Two Men And A Baby
by Athena Alexandria
Summary: When Jack is left alone to care for his newborn daughter, he finds help in the most unlikely of places. Jate.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I'm back.

I know not everyone is on board with this idea, but I get depressed when I don't have a story to work on, so since I could see how the first chapter was going to unfold, I decided to write it for those who are.

In all honesty, I'm running out of romantic plotlines (You wouldn't know it, but it's rare for me to write anything without ghosts or vampires or magic powers!), so I thought the relationship between Jack and Sawyer would make a nice change. I am considering starting a second (island Jate) fic some time soon, though, but that will mean fewer updates for both…

* * *

Chapter 1. Special Delivery

When he woke up that morning, the last thing Jack expected was to become a father.

It was six fifteen, and he'd just hit the snooze button on his alarm clock for the second time, when the doorbell rang, echoing through the empty rooms of his house.

He wasn't going to get it, but when it sounded a second and third time, he realised that whoever it was had no intention of leaving, so he dragged himself out of bed, pulling a t-shirt on over his sweatpants on the way to the door.

He'd never considered himself paranoid, but since returning from the island, he wasn't as trusting as he'd once been; sliding back the cover, he squinted through the peephole, debating whether or not he should open the door when he couldn't see anyone on the step. He thought about going back to bed, and forgetting the whole thing, but he was up now, and there was no chance of going back to sleep.

Letting his curiosity win out, he released the deadbolt, sticking his head outside in time to see a car peal off on the other side of the road. He didn't get time to catch the license plate; just a flash of red and it was gone.

Huh, he thought, scratching his head. When he took so long to answer the door, whoever had come to see him must've decided that he wasn't home.

He was about to go inside and make himself some coffee when he was aware of a soft mewling sound; looking down, trying to locate the source, he did a double take when he realised that there was a bassinet on his doorstep, and it in, a baby. At its feet was a black backpack; stepping over everything carefully, he let himself out the gate, checking the street, but it was empty. Whoever dropped it off was long gone.

He couldn't leave it outside in the cool December air until they came back for it, so unsure of what else to do, he slung the backpack over his shoulder, and took it inside with him, setting the bassinet down on the island in the kitchen.

It looked so out of place there that he couldn't help but stare, wondering if all the self-imposed isolation was making him crazy, because this couldn't really be happening, could it? There couldn't really be a baby in his kitchen…

He knew that as a doctor, the first thing he should do was examine it, but he was almost afraid to touch it, so he paced around the room a few times before he could steel himself enough to pick it up, prying loose the folds of its wrap.

It was dressed in a pink onesie, so he knew that it must be a girl, three or four days old by his guess, but it was hard to be sure. If it was born premature, it could have been older. It seemed healthy enough, not jaundiced or anything, but without the proper equipment, he couldn't be very thorough.

It must've been frightened, because it started to cry as he cradled it in his hands, its face turning an angry puce when his attempts to soothe it proved ineffectual. He'd never been much of a baby person, not unless that baby was a patient, when all he had to do was diagnose and treat it; it was always someone else's job make sure it stayed calm and happy.

But that was at the hospital, where there were nurses and paediatricians and mothers. He was alone with this baby; if he didn't stop it himself, it was going to give itself an aneurysm, and him a bigger headache than he already had.

Thinking back to when his nephew was born on the island, he remembered Michael saying something about walking; placing one hand on the baby's back, his other under its head, he resumed his pacing, making a full circuit of the house before it settled placidly against him.

He was afraid of setting it off again now that it was silent, so he bounced it lightly up and down to maintain the illusion of movement as he returned to the kitchen, sifting through its belongings with his free hand. Aside from its bedding, there was nothing in the bassinet, so he emptied the backpack, his heart sinking when he discovered bottles, formula, diapers and spare clothes, but nothing to clue him in on the identity of the child, or what it was doing on his doorstep at six o'clock in the morning.

He wanted to believe that whoever left it there had gotten the wrong house, but now that he thought about it, he realised that it wasn't a coincidence that that car pulled away just as he came outside.

It was waiting for him.

The whole thing was intentional, deliberate. It wasn't a mistake. He was supposed to take care of this child, even if he had no idea how.

He didn't know how long it had been since the baby's last feed, so he mixed up a bottle and sat down at the table, watching it screw up its face in concentration as it sucked on the teat. It was so tiny and helpless, so completely dependent on him; he couldn't believe that anyone would abandon it, but they had.

It was seven thirty by the time it let go, full, and spat up on the sleeve of his shirt. He still hadn't showered or dressed for work, so he brought it into the bedroom with him, laying it in the middle of the bed so that he could keep an eye on it while he changed. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't bring himself to leave it alone in another room, even in its bassinet, not after everything it had been through that morning.

He kept expecting to wake up and find that it was all a dream, but at eight o'clock, when he was due to leave for the hospital, it was still there, squirming on the mattress as he finished knotting his tie. He couldn't leave it in the house unsupervised, and he wasn't sure who to call, so in the end, he decided to take it with him, so that he could get it checked out, and maybe find someone to take it off his hands. The staff in the maternity ward dealt with this sort of thing all the time; surely someone would be able to offer him some advice.

Returning it to its bassinet, and packing up its belongings, he buckled it awkwardly into the backseat of his car, eager to see it in the care of someone more experienced than him. There was no room in his life for a child; he worked eighteen hours a day, and slept through what was left. Most nights he didn't even come home.

He was supposed to be in a meeting, but he was afraid of the looks he would get if he walked into the conference room with a baby, so he headed straight up to maternity, dropping both the bassinet and the backpack off at the nurses' station. He wasn't going to explain, but he lingered too long at the counter, feeling guilty, and one of the doctors, an attending named Maggie Gleeson, spotted him, coming over to them with a bemused grin.

"I didn't know you had kids, Jack," she said, sounding surprised as she bent over to coo at the baby. It stopped kicking and was still, focusing on her voice, and he couldn't help feeling embarrassed that what had taken him an hour, had taken her only seconds.

"I don't," he assured her, realising that it was probably for the best. "Some dropped it off at my place. I thought it was best if I brought it here."

"I think _it_'s a _she_," she informed him with a smile as she eased the baby out of the bassinet, talking to it softly as she settled it against the shoulder of her lab coat.

Jack was so used to thinking of it as an "it" that he hadn't even realised what he'd said. "_Her_ then," he amended hastily, before she could read too much into the clinical distance he was trying to put between himself and the child.

"And you have no idea who?" Her eyes bored into his as she jiggled the baby lightly up and down, comforting it. She didn't seem to believe him.

"No," he agreed, overcome by the same nagging sense of guilt that had seized him at the nurses' station. He felt like he should know; that deep down, he did. People didn't leave babies on strangers' doorsteps. It was against the law. "So what happens to her now?" he asked, trying not to sound too interested, like he knew that none of this was his problem.

"Well," Dr. Gleeson said as she led him into the nursery, laying the baby down on the scales, "we can put out a report, see if anyone comes forward to claim her."

"And if they don't?" If his suspicions were correct, he knew that they wouldn't.

She made of note of the baby's weight, before moving her stethoscope up to her ears and listening to her heartbeat. "Then she goes into temporary foster care until they can find her a more permanent placement," she said as she took it out again and filled in another box on the chart.

He felt an involuntary pang at these words; it must have shown on his face, because her voice softened into a maternal tone as she added, "Are you sure you don't know anything about this, Jack? Because I don't need to tell you that child abandonment is a serious crime. If you help me get in touch with the mother before this goes on record, you'll save us all a lot of grief. I've seen what happens to kids in foster homes, and it's not pretty."

He shook his head, forcing back the thought that had been looming at the edge of his consciousness all morning, but when he looked at the baby, at her head of dark curls, he knew he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He couldn't hand her over to strangers, no matter how desperate he was to pretend that this wasn't happening.

"I don't know where to find her," he confessed, rubbing his forehead, feeling tired and old all of a sudden, "but I know who she is."

All day, Jack hadn't been able to shake the feeling that something was wrong.

_Kate had been living with him in secret since their return from the island, neither of them thrilled about the idea of her going to jail, and for a while, they'd been happy, but lately, the strain was taking its toll. He woke every morning expecting to find her side of the bed empty, and her gone, but somehow, she was still there when he left for work, and when he came home each night, and it wasn't long before he was able to delude himself into thinking that she was finally ready to "dig in"._

_That morning though, the sheets were cold; he woke to find her holed up in the bathroom, running the shower full pelt to conceal whatever she was doing inside. He thought that she was crying, and trying to hide it, because when he knocked on the door, it took her a while to answer, and when she came out, she was pale and listless, refusing to let him touch her._

_He waited for her to tell him what was going on, for her to pick a fight or _something_, but when she wouldn't talk to him about it, he gave up and went to the hospital as usual._

_That was the last time that he saw her. When he let himself into the house that night, it was dark and silent. Her drawers were empty, and she was gone._

The thought that she was pregnant never even crossed his mind.

"What about the father?" Dr. Gleeson pressed, putting a hand on his arm, bringing him back to the moment. "Do you know who he is?"

It was the question he'd been dreading since she started quizzing him about the baby, because he did know. He'd known the moment he saw her. He just wasn't ready to believe it, or what it would mean for either of them. "Yeah," he agreed slowly, letting the realisation sink in. "I think… I think she's mine."

* * *

If you really hate it, let me know, but I'm trying not to be too cutesy here...

Coming up soon: a reunion for the survivors, and Sawyer!


	2. Chapter 2

I'm having technically difficulties again. My modem broke and I have to wait for the phone company to replace it, so I haven't been able to update as often as I'd like. I'm actually at an Internet cafe at the moment ;)

For those of you who're eager to see Sawyer – he's mentioned in chapters 2 and 3, and will appear in chapter 4 (I'm sorry, but I have to set up the story first or it'll feel too contrived!). And for those of you who're more interested in Kate – she will be back, but not until things have settled down.

It's interesting that some of you are Skaters – I have some Skate stuff planned, but as you may have noticed, I'm a hardcore Jater, so it'll be more in line with season one. Obviously Sawyer's not as close to the situation as Jack, so he'll be more sympathetic towards Kate when she decides to show her face… (What caused you all to check out this story, by the way? Just out of curiosity…)

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Chapter 2. Help

"Yours?" Dr. Gleeson repeated, her brow furrowing in confusion at his words. "If you knew you were her father why didn't you just tell me when you brought her in?"

"I didn't… I don't…" Jack's legs were shaking as he tried to come to terms with the idea that he had a daughter, so he sank into the rocking chair in the corner, taking a deep, calming breath. "It's not a sure thing," he corrected her when he recovered himself, "but she was on my doorstep, and the timing..."

"I can run some tests if you want to be sure," Dr. Gleeson suggested, fixing him with another concerned look.

"No," he said quickly, before he could stop himself. He wasn't sure why, but the idea bothered him.

She raised an eyebrow slightly, looking dubious. "You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay then. I guess this belongs to you."

He licked his lips, swallowing hard as she swaddled the baby in one of the white hospital blankets and handed her carefully back to him. "You don't want to keep her for observation or anything?" he asked hopefully, feeling his mouth go dry at the realisation that as soon as they left the hospital, he would be completely responsible for her. He wasn't sure he was ready for this; he didn't have a nursery, or a crib, or any experience. He didn't even have time to hire someone who did.

"Jack." Dr. Gleeson ran a hand through her short hair, trying to look patient, though he could see that she was beginning to get frustrated. As if she was the one who had something to be frustrated about. She wasn't the one who'd woken up to find herself the sole parent of a child she hadn't even known existed. "There are almost twenty babies in this ward, at least six requiring constant care, and that's not even including the eight or so women I'm expecting to deliver in the next hour. She's one of the healthiest babies I've seen in a long time – there's no reason you can't take her home with you right now."

"No reason? I'm supposed to be at inquest," he told her, exasperated; if it wasn't for the baby in his arms, he was pretty sure he would have hit something.

How dare she make a decision like this without consulting him? Why even have the baby if she didn't want it? It wasn't like he could've stopped her from getting rid it, of _her_, if that was what she decided, not when she never even bothered to tell him. It would've been selfish, but not like this. This was beyond selfish: it was cowardly and unfair. The whole thing was unfair.

He wanted to hate her, but he couldn't, because a part of him, a huge part, was still in love with her. And that part of him knew that it couldn't've been easy. As much as her abandoning their child had hurt him, it must've hurt her more.

The other doctor must've picked up on his thoughts, because her expression softened into a sympathetic smile as she held out her arms for the baby. "Okay, you win. I'll take her until you're finished with your meeting, but then you're on your own."

* * *

The inquest took most of the morning, and after giving his evidence, Jack found that he couldn't concentrate on the proceedings as his thoughts wandered back to the baby.

Whichever way he looked at it, he was going to need help. He couldn't juggle a career as a surgeon and a few day old infant, not when he was gone anywhere from twelve to twenty hours a day. If he were anyone else, he might ask his mother, but it would be hard enough explaining how he'd come to have a daughter, without having to justify his relationship with Kate. Given the hours that he kept, that really only left the other survivors. Sawyer was M.I.A somewhere around Canada last he heard, and he wasn't sure he would trust him to babysit anyway, and Locke, Hurley and Sayid were all single and as inexperienced as he was, so he didn't feel comfortable calling on them. Sun and Jin and Charlie and Claire were all settled in L.A., but they had kids of their own; he wasn't sure it would be fair to dump another baby on them, even if Claire was his sister.

But then, he _was _desperate, at least until he could find someone he trusted to take care of the baby while he was at work.

Or Kate, a little voice in his head reminded him, but he knew that it was wishful thinking. The marshal had searched for her for three years before he finally tracked her down, and knew what he was doing. If she didn't want him to find her, he wouldn't. All he could do was wait to see if she came back on her own.

It was almost noon by the time he was dismissed from the conference room; he had to pick the baby up before Maggie forcibly returned her, so deciding that he had no other choice at this stage, he took out his cell and called Claire.

She didn't answer right away, and he was afraid that she was out, until he heard her breathless voice on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

"Hey, Claire, it's Jack," he told her, breathing an inward sigh of relief.

"Jack!" she repeated, sounding pleased. "Sorry, I was just in the backyard with Aaron." She covered the phone, and he heard her say something along the lines of "Sshh, Mummy's talking," before returning his attention to him. "You know, I was going to call you later. There's something I wanted to talk to you about.

"Really? That's great," he agreed, feeling guilty about how dismissive it sounded, but he didn't have a lot of time before he had to get back to work. "Listen, Claire, I need to ask you a favour."

"Okay." She seemed disappointed. "What's up?"

Jack thought about just telling her, but it wasn't the kind of news you broke to someone over the phone. "Can I come over?"

"Sure." There was a slight pause, and he could tell she was frowning as she added, "I promised Aaron that I'd take him to the park after lunch, but I guess it can wait."

"No, you should go," he told her, feeling guilty about disrupting her plans. "We'll meet you there."

She was silent again for a moment, then she said, "Is everything okay, Jack? You sound… I don't know… weird."

"I'll explain when I get there," he said, disconnecting as he stepped into the lift.

* * *

Climbing out of his car twenty minutes later, he spotted her sitting on a bench at the foot of the slide, watching her son run around with the other kids.

"He looks like he's having fun," he said as he joined her, settling the baby capsule he'd bought on the way over between them.

"Yeah, he is," she agreed, her eyes still on Aaron. "I can't believe how big he's getting. It's like I blinked and suddenly he's three." She looked over at him with a rueful smile, and her mouth fell open slightly when she saw that he wasn't alone. "You have a baby."

"I have a baby," he agreed, fighting the urge to laugh when she screwed up her face in confusion.

"Why do you have a baby?"

"Honestly? I don't know," he confessed, looking down at his daughter, asleep in the capsule. She was so small; he wasn't sure how something so small could cause so much trouble, for him and everyone around him.

"Well where did it come from?" Claire pressed, and in spite of how serious the situation was, he couldn't resist making fun of her, so he said, "Do I really need to explain that to you of all people?"

But she wasn't amused. "You know what I mean, Jack," she said in the bossy tone she usually reserved for Charlie, fixing him with a serious look.

"Kate," he managed to choke out before he was overcome with emotion again. "She left her with me. I guess she thought I could take better care of her than she could." His eyes were burning with the tears he'd been fighting back all morning, so he looked away before she could see them, but he could feel her hand on his arm as she said, "But she's coming back, right?" her voice rising in concern.

Somehow, this just seemed to make him feel worse. "I don't think so," he confessed, shaking her hand off, glancing up at her in time to see her face fall.

"Well what exactly did she say?"

"Nothing. She didn't say anything."

"She just dumped the baby and left?" Claire said dubiously, looking confused when he nodded. "That doesn't sound like her."

Jack didn't know what to say so he just stared straight ahead, watching the kids as he tried to get a handle on his emotions. It was true; it wasn't what he'd expected from her either, not after all this time, but there was no getting around the fact that it was exactly what she'd done. At the very least, he thought, she could've written him a letter.

"I can see it, you know," Claire said after a moment. "She's got her mum's hair, and the shape of her eyes – that's Kate too. Can I…?"

When Jack turned back to her, her hands were poised over the capsule, so he nodded, watching with a sad smile as she fussed over her niece. It was the second time that day that she'd received attention from a woman other than her mother; he wondered if Kate had held her like that, or talked baby talk to her, or shown any maternal interest in her at all. He liked to think, from the careful way she was dressed, that she really had cared, enough to convince herself that she wasn't what was best for her. It was better than the alternative.

"What's her name?" Claire asked, looking thoughtful.

"I don't know – I'll guess I'll have to choose one," he said, finding himself overwhelmed once again by all the things he had to do now that he had a child. Naming her was at the bottom of the list, way after buying a crib and learning how to change a diaper.

"Well don't let anyone rush you," Claire said with a laugh. "It took me ages to name Aaron, and some days, I'm still not even sure I couldn't've done better." Grinning, she looked down at the baby, then back over at him. "So what was the favour you wanted to ask?"

"I was hoping you could take her for a while, until I get things sorted out," he explained, feeling guilty again, because she was his responsibility. He shouldn't be palming her off on other people, not when her mother had already abandoned her.

"You mean for the day, or…?" she trailed off when she saw his expression. "Jack, I've already got my hands full with Aaron, and Charlie… he's got a gig every night this week. Can't you take time off work?"

"That's not it," he confessed, dropping his head into his hands, so, so tired all of a sudden. It was only lunchtime, and already, today had been the longest day of his life. "I can't do this, Claire – not on my own, not without her."

Her expression softened, and she shifted the baby so that she could slide an arm around his hunched shoulders. "Hey," she said softly, giving him a light squeeze, "it'll get better, I promise. You'll figure it out. Trust me." She looked over at Aaron and smiled, and Jack found himself smiling too.

"You know that's my job, right?"

"I do, but that doesn't mean I can't give my big brother some advice," she agreed, letting go of him, and returning the baby to her capsule. "It's probably the only time I'll ever be able to. Aaron!" She beckoned for her son to come down from the fort as she took both the capsule and the diaper bag from Jack. "She can spend the night with Charlie and I, and tomorrow, when you come to pick her up, we can talk about what I wanted to tell you."


	3. Chapter 3

I know Charlie might be dead, but I like him and Claire, so until I see proof...

* * *

Chapter 3. Bad Timing

"What's all this?" Jack asked Claire when she opened the door for him the next afternoon. Through the entrance to the living room, he could see a pile of boxes stacked in the middle of the floor.

"Oh that," she said sheepishly, following his eyes to the mess. "I dug out some of Aaron's old baby stuff. I thought you could use it. Some of it's probably at bit big, and it's blue, but I don't think she'll mind much, not if she's anything like Kate." As soon as the name left her mouth, she cringed, looking guilty, so Jack decided to ignore it. "You don't need it?" he asked.

She laughed, shaking her head. "Definitely not. Like I said, I've got my hands full with Aaron. Your little one will be out of nappies by the time I have any more."

After going in to the hospital, and taking a couple of personal days, Jack had already bought everything the sales assistant had assured him he'd need, but he smiled and thanked her anyway.

"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked her as they continued on into the kitchen, where she put the kettle on to make herself a cup of tea, and him coffee. The baby was there at the table with Aaron, who was chatting to her as he finished his afternoon snack.

"Hi Uncle Jack," he said through a mouthful of peanut butter when he saw him, grinning as he took another bite of his sandwich.

"Hey buddy," he said, scruffing his nephew's hair as he sat down beside him. "What do you think of your cousin?"

"She's little," he observed, spraying flecks of bread as he chewed, "like I was when I was a baby. And she doesn't have teeth. That's why Mummy wouldn't let me make her a samidge, because she's not a big boy like me, so she can't have one, right Mummy?"

"Right, Aaron," Claire agreed, rolling her eyes as she handed Jack a mug and sat down. "It doesn't matter how many times I tell him not to talk with his mouth full…" she complained, exasperated, before backtracking to answer his question. "It was two things, actually. Firstly, Charlie's manager booked him a tour."

"That's great," Jack said, flashing her a distracted smile as he glanced over at the baby, wondering if he should feed her. After leaving her with Claire last night, he felt like he should do something.

"I just gave her a bottle, so she's fine," Claire told him, looking amused. "She'll probably sleep now if you leave her alone."

Deciding that she was right, Jack returned his attention to her. "Is it just a local tour?" he asked, trying to sound interested, if only for his friend's sake. He knew that getting his career back up off the ground meant a lot to him.

"Just the US, and maybe Canada – we're still waiting to hear back – but he'll be going all over, so he'll be gone for at least the next two months. That's why we decided that Aaron and I should go with him."

"Oh." She looked so excited and happy for Charlie that he didn't want to ruin it for her, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to muster much enthusiasm, not when he needed her here.

"I know it's bad timing with the baby and everything," she rushed on, "but you know how long he's been waiting for this, Jack."

He nodded, trying not to let her see how disappointed he was. She was right; both she and Charlie deserved this. "So when do you leave?" If he was lucky it wouldn't be for at least another week, until he found someone else to sit for him.

"We're flying out on Sunday," she said, giving him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Jack, I really am, but I have to go."

"No, it's okay, I understand. You don't have to apologise," he agreed, squeezing her hand on the tabletop, but deep down he couldn't help feeling like she too was abandoning him. "That was the first thing – what was the second?"

She flashed him an uneasy smile. "I know it's short notice, but Hurley and I are organising a kind of reunion slash going away party for Charlie. It won't be anything fancy – just drinks and maybe a barbeque or something – but I was really hoping you'd come. I'm sure everyone would love to see you, you can show them the baby." "No, I don't think so, Claire," he said quickly, standing up from the table, shoving the baby's things back into her bag. With the exception of Claire and Charlie, he hadn't had much contact with the other survivors since Kate, and he wanted to keep it that way. It was too hard seeing their friends without her; he couldn't be in that room with all the whispering, and the sympathetic looks, repeating that story to anyone who asked. It was hard enough telling Claire.

"Please, Jack? You don't have to stay long," she said, her eyes imploring him to reconsider. "It would mean a lot to Charlie. Everyone—" she cringed at her choice of words once she realised what she'd said "—else is going to be there, even Sawyer."

"You talked to Sawyer?" he asked, pausing in his movements long enough to catch her eye. He didn't know why he cared: maybe because the southerner was the only person from the island who was likely to have seen Kate. Or maybe it was because he was the only one who knew what it was like to lose her.

"Yeah, yesterday morning. I think his exact words were," she laughed, putting on a deep, Southern drawl, "'Why, so we can remember the time we were all in a plane crash together? You've really outdone yourself this time, Blondie – this idea of yours is even stupider than the one with the pigeons.'. Then he hung up on me," she added, returning to her own voice, "so I think that means he's coming, but he's too embarrassed to just tell me."

"That sounds about right," Jack agreed with a feint laugh as he picked the capsule up off the chair it was resting on. "See ya, buddy," he said to Aaron as he started out of the kitchen. The little boy smiled and mumbled something into his cup.

"Thanks for doing this for me, Claire. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

"So will you at least think about it?" she asked, following him to the door.

"Sure," he agreed, hating to see her look so disappointed, but he knew that if she asked him tomorrow, his answer would still be "no".

* * *

Jack had bought out half the baby store in a fit of panic, but he hadn't had time to unpack any of it, so while the baby napped on his bed, he started clearing the junk out of the spare room.

After spending more than a year on an island, he wasn't sure how he'd managed to attract so much clutter, but there were things in there he never used, but hadn't bothered to throw away either: stacks of old medical journals, an exercise bike, a couple of broken appliances he'd been meaning to get fixed, boxes from his life before the island, from his brief marriage to Sarah… and the one he'd dumped in there about a week after Kate left.

He hadn't wanted to think about her anymore, so he'd packed up everything that reminded him of her: the clothes she'd left in the hamper, pictures and old magazines, scraps of paper she'd written on, things they'd bought together, the ring he was working up the courage to give her when she left… He'd known there was a chance that he might never be able to marry her, but he'd wanted her to know how committed he was, and that she was committed to him too.

Tearing the tape off the top, he pried it open for the first time in months, his eyes falling on the last thing he'd put in, a picture of them at the beach not long after they'd arrived in L.A. It was the last time they'd all been together, before everyone returned to their lives; it was also the day he'd asked her to move in with him, unable to bear the thought of her running again.

She hadn't wanted to; she told him it would better for both of them if they made it a clean break; but he'd convinced her to spend the night, and that night had turned into a week, then a month, then finally, a year. By that point, he'd thought that maybe forever was within reach, but he'd bought her the ring, and two weeks later, she was gone.

Pulling a t-shirt out of the box, he found that it still smelt like her, and for a moment, if he closed his eyes, he could almost believe that she was right there in front of him. He couldn't see her with the baby though; somehow the two things seemed incongruous, incapable to existing in the same place. It was stupid; medically it made no sense; but as hard as he tried, he couldn't imagine her pregnant, not when she'd gone to such great lengths to cut him out of that entire experience.

He was still too angry and hurt to forgive her; he didn't think he could look at this stuff now, not without losing it, so putting the t-shirt back in the box, he resealed it, dumping it out in the garage on top of the others. He couldn't bring himself to pack the picture away though, so he set it aside, resolving to put it in the nursery where the baby could see it. Even though she was gone, he wanted her to know who her mother was, so that she would recognise her if she ever came back.


	4. Chapter 4

Good news! I have a functional modem again! Thank your all for your reviews -- I'm sure you'll be pleased to see that Sawyer makes his first appearance in this chapter (I know some of you probably won't, but I did warn you!)...

This probably won't be of much interest to Sawyer fans, but I was thinking about something Damon Lindelof said once, about Rose's backstory being Kate's backstory, and I thought that that would make an interesting AU fic. Kate and Kevin are coming back from their honeymoon in Australia when the plane crashes. They get separated, and Kate meets Jack, who agrees to help her search for the tail section. After spending time together, they begin to fall for each other, and when they find Kevin alive, Kate is torn between the vows she made to her husband and her feelings for Jack. Let me know if you're interested...

* * *

Chapter 4. Adult Company 

With everything else that was happening, Jack couldn't seem to find a spare moment to go down to the nanny agency, so he called in sick the next morning, and the morning after that.

As babies went, his was fairly well behaved, but she didn't like travelling; he thought maybe it was because it reminded her of her mother. He tried waiting for her to fall asleep in her capsule so that he could sneak her out into the car, but she always woke up, red-faced and angry before he could even finish backing out of the driveway.

He would have left her at home with Claire while he went to run errands, but she was busy packing, and making the final arrangements for Charlie's party, so he didn't want to bother her again by asking. He thought about calling Sun, but he knew that she would try to convince him to go to the reunion, and he still wasn't sure he could handle it. He was barely holding himself together as it was.

The car wasn't the only thing that seemed to remind the baby of Kate. She also hated the doorbell; he almost burst into tears along with her when it rang on Friday morning, causing her to spit out her bottle. He'd only just managed to calm her down after one of their failed outings, and here she was fighting him again when he needed her to cooperate, by refusing to let him put the teat back in her mouth.

She was struggling so hard that he was afraid of dropping her, so he put her down in her capsule, desperate to get rid of their visitor, but it wasn't a door-to-door salesman or a charity collector like he expected. It was...

"Sawyer. What're you doing here?" he asked, tired and defeated, and confused to find his old rival standing on his doorstep. He could still hear the baby crying in the kitchen, tearing at his heartstrings with her high pitched wails. He didn't really care; he just wanted him to go away so that he could get back to her.

"Your kid sis said something about free booze," the southerner drawled, trying his patience with his roundabout explanation, "so I thought since she invited me, why the hell not? It's not like I got anything better to do."

"Okay, but the party's not until tomorrow," Jack pointed out, doing his best to shut out the baby, "so what're you doing here, at my house?"

Sawyer gave him a defiant look, as if daring Jack to ask him to leave. "Ain't that obvious? I came to see Freckles. Heard you two were shaking up." He didn't seem to hear the baby, or if he was, he was ignoring her.

"She's not here," Jack told him flatly, not wanting to prolong the conversation any further, but when he moved to close the door, Sawyer stuck out his foot, jamming it with the toe of his boot.

"So?"

"So what?" Jack was sick of playing games with him. He didn't have time for a pissing contest, especially one over Kate. She was gone. They'd both lost. There was nothing left to prove. "I'm kind of in the middle of something."

Leaving the door open, he tried to walk away, but Sawyer kicked it back the rest of the way, following him inside.

"So, Mr Manners," he said, his eyes darting around the foyer appreciatively; if Jack didn't know better, he would've thought he was casing the joint, "when a man comes to see an old friend, and that friend is out, it's customary for the guy who answers to door – that'd be you," he added with a smirk, flashing his dimples, "to let him know when she's expected back."

"She's not," Jack assured him, feeling himself begin to shut down, the dull ache in his chest now fading to numbness. He was tired of talking about Kate, as if that was somehow going to change things; for a brief moment, he wondered if it was worth quitting his job and taking the baby somewhere where no one knew Kate, or that she was supposed to be with them.

"What'd you mean she ain't expected back?" Sawyer pressed, pausing in his tracks. "She's gotta come home some time." He gave Jack a suspicious look, as if he thought this was all a lie to keep him from seeing her. As if he thought she was going to walk in at any moment and tell them both off. As if that was even a possibility.

"I mean she doesn't live here anymore, Sawyer," Jack explained, resenting the fact that he had to spell it out for him when he was still trying to come to terms with the idea himself. "She hasn't for a long time."

They'd reached the kitchen by then. Jack pushed the door open, stepping inside with Sawyer still on his heels. The southerner looked surprised, processing this, until he saw the baby, and a light seemed to go on inside his head.

"I see," he said, his voice suddenly angry, "you finally snapped, huh? Found yourself a nice, normal girl who wasn't wanted by the Feds and decided to start a new life." Jack wasn't prepared for the venom that flashed through his eyes as he added, "Gotta admit, I'm a little surprised. Thought you two were in it for the long haul. Sure looked like it last time I saw you. Guess things change, huh?"

Jack was silent for a long moment, floored, and if he was completely honest with himself, a little annoyed, by the southerner's obvious concern for Kate. She was the one who gave up on him; he'd never even had the chance to get sick of her. "I was," he said finally, taking the baby out of the capsule and settling her in his lap, "in it for the long haul. She wasn't. Don't you have someone else to annoy?" He picked the bottle back up, and managed to successfully insert it between her lips this time, relieved when she started sucking again. He had enough to deal with, without having to add a baby that wouldn't eat to the list.

The southerner seemed to relax at this explanation. Jack wondered if he was glad, because it meant that she hadn't really chosen him either. "Naw, I save it all for you, Doc," he told Jack with a cheeky grin, apparently not ready to leave yet.

Jack wasn't sure why, until a moment later, he said, "So if Freckles pulled another o' her disappearing acts, and you're still hung up on her, where'd the kid come from? She another one o' Sid and Nancy's brood?"

When Jack didn't answer, realisation dawned on him, and he let out a low, unhappy whistle. "I knew she could be cold, but damn. You sure she didn't just need time?"

"I have no idea what she needed," Jack confessed, not meeting the southerner's eyes as he fought back another wave of hopelessness. He couldn't help feeling like there was something he should've done; like staying with her that last day, instead of going to work, but then she probably would've just waited until he was asleep to slip out.

"She got a name yet?" Sawyer asked, nodding towards the baby, seeming to want to change the subject.

"No, I'm still working on it," Jack admitted, surprised at how much easier it was to talk to Sawyer about this than Claire. Aside from him, the southerner knew her better than anyone. He felt her absence too. "I feel like I haven't had time to breathe since it happened."

Sawyer cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. "Well chin up, Doc – she can't've gone far. For all her faults, she loves you, and the kid too, I'm guessing. She wouldn'ta left her with you if she didn't."

He looked away, seemingly embarrassed by how soft this sounded, but Jack smiled, touched by his words. "You want to hold her?" he said before he really had the chance to think about it, putting the bottle down, and offering her to Sawyer.

Sawyer took a step backwards, closer to the door, as if he thought the baby would explode if he touched her. "Naw, I should probably just go. Maybe I can catch up with her on the road, tell her the kid misses her." He gave Jack a small smile, and Jack knew that while he would never say it, the rest was implied. He would never admit to doing Jack a favour, but he had no qualms about doing one for Kate and her daughter.

"You're sure? Because you can stay if you want," Jack said, almost apologetic as he gestured at the collection of bottles and blankets that littered the kitchen. "I could do with the adult company."

Seeming to realise the futility of going after Kate, Sawyer nodded, and drew back a chair, clearing his throat again. "You got anything to drink? Besides whatever it is you were just giving the kid?"

"There's some beer in the fridge," Jack told him, standing up. "Take her and I'll get it for you." He handed the baby to Sawyer, who took her awkwardly, shuffling her around until he found a position that they were both comfortable with. He looked nervous, as if he was afraid she would break if he moved, though Jack could see a tiny smile forming at the corners of his lips.

"So what've you been up to since the rescue?" he asked as he handed the southerner a beer and sat down. "Last I heard you were in Canada?"

"Yeah, I got some friends up there, thought I'd stop in and say hi," Sawyer explained vaguely, fumbling with the tab.

Wordlessly, Jack took the can from him and pulled it, setting it back down on the table in front of him. He wondered if it was true, that the southerner had friends aside from the people he'd gotten to know on the island. Somehow he doubted it, or else he wouldn't be here.

Picking the can up clumsily with his left hand, Sawyer took a swig of his beer, looking down at the baby with a sad smile. "Never really believed all that noise about babies having people's noses and things," he said, "but I think I woulda known she was Freckles's kid even if you hadn't told me. It's scary how much o' her there is in her. You sure she's yours?" he added with a smirk, "'Cause she don't look anything like you."

Taking a sip of his own beer, Jack decided to let that one go. "You're telling me," he agreed. "It's like a daily knife in the heart. I look at her, and all I can think about is Kate."

Sawyer's expression was almost wistful as he passed the baby back to Jack. "Some folks'd say that makes you lucky. At least you got somethin' to remember her by. Me, I got nothin'."


	5. Chapter 5

I'm having a bit of a slow writing week this week...

I knew as soon as I wrote that line that people were going to start speculating! You shouldn't read too much into it -- Sawyer was just being Sawyer! The baby is definitely Jack's... (It would've been a bit much for Kate to expect him to take care of her otherwise!).

I'm not sure when she'll appear -- soonish. Once Jack and Sawyer have settled into some kind of routine with the baby. I am working on getting my Jate fic off the ground, but I'm having a hard time with the first chapter, because I don't want to rehash the pilot with Kate married. I want to write something new, but still as good...

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Chapter 5. Annie 

Jack didn't have anywhere to be that day, and neither did Sawyer, so they stayed in his kitchen, commiserating about Kate, until it got dark and Jack offered to let him crash on his couch. He would have liked to believe that he was doing it for Kate, or to help an old friend (well almost) out, but deep down, he knew that wasn't it. He wasn't sure why, but since he'd brought the baby home from Claire's, he was almost afraid to be alone with her. She frightened him, more than anyone he'd ever met, except maybe her mother; he didn't know how to relax around her, to enjoy her. Sawyer wouldn't be much help; he seemed to be even more at sea with this baby thing than Jack was; but it helped to know that for tonight at least, he had some form of backup.

Around midnight, when they'd said everything there was to say, Jack tossed Sawyer a pillow and blanket and went upstairs to check on the baby. He knew what could happen if she turned herself over (back in his first year of med school he'd watched his teachers autopsy a baby who'd died from SIDS), so he'd been putting her down inside the bassinet in her crib. She was fine; asleep on her back exactly as he'd left her; but that never seemed to make him feel more comfortable about leaving her, so he'd taken to camping out in the nursery overnight, where he could be at her side in seconds if she needed him.

Settling into his post in the rocking chair at the foot of the crib, he almost laughed at himself, flashing back to the staff room, where he'd listened to colleagues go on about what paranoid parents they were: how they wouldn't buy their kids a scooter, or let them ride their bikes on the road, how they took them to the E.R. at the slightest symptom because they knew this kid once...

It was ironic, because he'd always thought they were kidding; it had never occurred to him that he would be one of them.

As he picked the blanket up from the arm of the chair where he'd left it the previous night, his eyes fell on the picture he'd put on the dresser. It the dim light, he could just make out the shape of Kate's face as she smiled at him, back when everything had been great; studying it, trying to make out the rest of the details, his thoughts turned to her, and he wondered again where she was, and what she was doing. She'd had four days to get away; she could be anywhere by now: another city, another state, even another country, if she'd managed to find a way around customs.

If he tried really hard, he could picture her in a cheap motel somewhere around Utah or Colorado, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the baby, and if he was lucky, him. He hoped that wherever she was, she missed them, and that she wanted to come home. He couldn't promise to forgive her, or even take her back, but he was willing to try so long as she was willing to admit that she'd made a mistake.

He must have drifted off at some point, because the next thing he knew, the room was pitch black, and the baby was crying. He switched on the lamp to find her squirming in the bassinet, her legs free of the blankets, waiting for him to pick her up.

Sawyer was still on the couch when they came down the stairs, tossing and turning before settling on his stomach with the blanket drawn over his head. He yanked the pillow over his ears when they passed through the living room, muttering something along the lines of "I knew I shoulda gone to a motel", before giving up, and following them into the kitchen.

"It's like being back on the damn island with Claire's kid," he complained as he took the last beer from the bridge, and dropped into a chair, watching Jack warm up a bottle. "Annie always this loud?"

Jack looked back from the microwave, startled. "What did you just call her?" he asked at he took the bottle out and joined the southerner at the table. It was the first time he'd heard anyone give her a name besides her, the baby, or the kid.

Sawyer frowned as he realised that he'd neglected to give Jack's sister a nickname. "Claire," he said, irritated, as he pulled the tab and took a long sip.

"No Claire, the baby."

"Annie."

When Jack's expression seemed to betray his confusion, he elaborated, "Little Orphan Annie. She got left on a doorstep with that heart-shaped locket…" he trailed off when Jack continued to stare at him blankly, and he surveyed him with a mixture of pity and embarrassment. "You never saw that movie growing up?"

"I didn't go to the movies much," Jack confessed as he adjusted the baby in his arms, tilting her head up so that she could latch onto the bottle. "Didn't watch a lot of TV either." When he was a kid, his parents never had time to take him. When he got older, he was too busy seeking his father's approval to catch up on all the things he'd missed.

The conversation had strayed into an uncomfortable place for both of them; Sawyer knew enough about his background to avoid further questions, so he smirked at him instead, seizing the opportunity to crack a joke at his expense. "Why am I not surprised? Good thing you got me around then – who else is gonna show the kid how to have fun?"

He trying to get a rise out of him; Jack was going to bite, to retort that since his brand of fun involved alcohol and strip clubs, not him, but he found his mind wandering back to the beginning ot the conversation.

"Annie always this loud?"

Annie.

It wasn't funny, what Sawyer had said about them both being orphans, but even so, he liked the sound of it. It was cute. It suited her; she was like Kate: she wasn't a formal name kind of person. That was what made choosing one so hard. He thought maybe he could go with something like Anna, just in case, but he was pretty sure that at home she would just be Annie.

Sawyer furrowed his brow in confusion, looking at him like he'd gone out of his mind. "You okay there, Doc?" he asked, waving a hand in front of his face in a way that could only be described as obnoxious. "You spaced out on me. I think you got some drool…" he laughed when Jack looked down instinctively, realising that he'd been had.

"I was thinking about what you said," he explained, ignoring this, grinning as it occurred to him that he could now cross another thing off his list. He'd named the baby, or at least, Sawyer had. "And I think that's what I'm going to call her – Annie."

Sawyer looked at him like he thought he was kidding, but when he seemed to realise how serious Jack was, his face morphed into a slow grin. "Annie Shephard," he said, trying not to let on how touched he was at being the one to choose it. "Guess that's your name now, kid." He tipped his beer at her as he lifted it to his lips, toasting her.

"I'm just glad you didn't decide to go with one of those hippy names," he told Jack, recovering with a smirk, unable to resist getting in one last jab.


	6. Chapter 6

Another short chapter today – I think I'm burning out again, so if you don't hear from me for a few days, I'm just taking a break!

I was relieved that you all liked the name – I thought it would be cool if Sawyer gave it to her, because Jack's always so worried about the bigger picture (like keeping her safe and alive) that he never seems to have time for the little things… (The fact that Kate used that name herself is something I do intend to address.)

* * *

Chapter 6. Thank You 

The next morning, Jack was changing Annie when Sawyer wandered into the nursery… and straight back out again.

"Phew, that kid is toxic," he said, pulling his shirt up over his nose as he retreated to a safe distance, watching Jack finish up from out in the hallway. "What've you been putting in that bottle o' hers? Chilli?"

Jack laughed as fastened the tabs, buttoning the baby's sleepsuit back up. "It's just a diaper, Sawyer," he told him, shaking his head as he dropped the offending item into the trash. "It's not a big deal."

In the days that he'd been taking care of his daughter, he'd discovered that diapers and their contents didn't bother him; it was keeping her still long enough to put one on her that posed the biggest challenge, but they were getting there.

"For you, maybe," the southerner complained, uncovering his face now that the source of the smell was gone. "Some o' us don't spend our days elbow deep in people's entrails."

Picking his freshly diapered daughter up off the change table, Jack laughed again. "You couldn't just say 'guts' like everyone else?" he retorted, raising an eyebrow, his smile widening when the southerner scowled at him.

"You think I don't know any big words just 'cause I ain't a doctor? I read," he said defensively, turning back into the hall.

"I've noticed," Jack agreed, following him with Annie. "So what did you come up here for, anyway? You look like you lost something."

"Yeah, breakfast." Sawyer looked slightly uncomfortable, eyeing the stairs as he added, "Wanted to know what you got to eat around here, besides that bird feed you call cereal."

It was typical Sawyer; he could never just come out and say what he wanted. "There should be some eggs in the fridge," Jack told him, leading the way into the kitchen. "Bacon too if you want it."

Sawyer nodded, apparently relieved that he wouldn't have to eat anything too healthy. Putting Annie down in her capsule, Jack washed his hands with the antibacterial soap he kept on the sink, but when he reached for the handle of the freezer, Sawyer stopped him.

"I'm cookin'," he said quickly, with a pointed look at the baby. "You can wash them all you want, but I don't trust those hands o' yours after where they've been."

* * *

Sawyer wanted to cook, so while he fried up the bacon and eggs on the stove, Jack gave Annie her bottle, and then they sat down to eat, neither one of them saying much at first. It was surreal, Jack thought, how much time they'd spent together in the twenty-four hours leading up to that moment: so much that they'd exhausted every common topic, from Kate and Annie, to the island, to what they'd been doing since. 

At least he thought they had, until Sawyer put down his fork, giving him a serious look. "So how come you ain't going to the limey's party? He's the closest thing you got to a brother."

His blue gaze was so penetrating, so knowing, as if he saw right through him, that Jack averted his eyes, focusing his own attention on clearing his plate. "Annie doesn't like the car," he said, to fill the silence, "and with all those new people, I just think it might be a bit much for her."

It was mostly true, but Sawyer wasn't having a bar of it. "You mean it might be a bit much for _you_," he corrected him, still with that knowing look.

Jack knew there was no point in lying, not when Sawyer had already drawn his own impressively accurate conclusion, so he nodded. "Okay, yeah – I'm not sure I want to see everyone after..." he trailed off, knowing that Sawyer already knew why he felt he couldn't face the others.

"You ever think it ain't about you? That maybe they wanna see you more than you wanna see them?"

There was no hint of judgement in his voice; it was so matter of fact that Jack looked up at him sharply, surprised to hear something so profound and almost empathetic come out of Sawyer's mouth.

"You're saying I should go… for them?" he checked, not sure why he wanted the southerner's advice, but aware that he was asking for it anyway. It was the same thing Claire had said when she told him about the reunion, but somehow it seemed truer coming from Sawyer, because he never said anything he didn't mean: not anything nice, anyway.

"I ain't saying anything," Sawyer said as he slumped back in his chair, pushing his plate away. "But you were their leader. They looked up to you," he gave Jack a slight, humourless smirk, "don't ask me why. Maybe they wanna know how it all turned out for you, even if it ain't that great."

He seemed to have put so much thought into what he was saying that Jack couldn't help wondering if that was the real reason he'd come: because he knew the others cared about him, even if he couldn't admit to sharing those feelings. It was nice to think that they all still cared, that even though they weren't on the island anymore, they were still taking Jack's impromptu speech about living together to heart.

"Okay," he agreed finally, deciding that if Sawyer could put in an appearance for the others, he could too, "I'll come to the reunion – just let me get Annie dressed first."

* * *

Jack wasn't sure he would ever get over how much time it took to leave the house with a baby, but an hour and a half later, they were on their way. 

Sawyer let out a low whistle from the passenger seat as they drove through the gates of Hurley's palatial estate, surveying the main house appreciatively. "Guess old Hugo wasn't kiddin' when he said he won the lottery."

Jack wasn't sure where to park, so he pulled his car into the space beside Claire's, and after rescuing Annie from the backseat, the three of them started up the walk to the door.

Hurley met them in the foyer, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw the baby strapped to Jack's chest. "Claire said you had a kid, but whoa, dude," he said, reaching out to touch one of Annie's hands tentatively.

Seeming to realise that he'd forgotten his manners, he glanced up at the southerner, flashing him a broad grin. "Hey, Sawyer – glad you could make it."

Sawyer shrugged, and repeated his crack about the free booze, looking past him, clearly embarrassed that everyone seemed to think it was a big deal. But as hard as he tried to look like he didn't care, Jack could tell that he was enjoying the attention, first from Claire, then him, and now Hurley, because it meant that he mattered.

"So I guess Kate's not coming?" Hurley asked as he stepped back to let them pass, sounding disappointed. Jack wasn't surprised; back on the island he'd been their biggest supporter, ever since he forgave Kate for being a criminal.

He shook his head, forcing back his own unhappiness. It wasn't Hurley's fault; he was just asking. "No, she's not. I don't think she even knows. We're not in touch."

Hurley offered him a sympathetic smile as he led them through to the backyard, where the rest of the survivors were gathered. "I heard what happened – that's rough, man. You know she loves you, though, right? She wouldn't've done it if she didn't have a good reason."

Jack flashed him a weak smile in return, but was saved from having to say anything more by Claire, who put her drink down and rushed over to him as soon as she saw him. "You came!" she said, pulling him an excited hug, careful not to squash Annie. "And you brought Sawyer!" She lowered her voice as she pulled away, whispering, "Thank you," in his ear, so softly that only he could hear it.

* * *

More on the reunion next chapter, and a phone call… 


	7. Chapter 7

It wasn't so much writers' block (I know what the next few chapters are going to be!), as mental exhaustion (I'm also studying, so I feel like all I ever do is sit in front of a computer and type!), but thanks Amanda...

I'm not going to go into too much detail about the reunion, because that's a lot of voices, and is pretty daunting. Instead, I'm going to focus on Jack and Sawyer (and Annie!) and their relationship. I'm pleased that you're all still enjoying that aspect of the story -- for those of you who aren't, I won't ruin the surprise by telling you when, but Kate will be coming back into the picture fairly soon.

* * *

Chapter 7. Say Something 

It didn't take long for Jack to realise why Claire was so excited that he'd come. Somehow, she and Hurley had managed to gather every one of the remaining survivors: every one except Kate. Even Desmond was there with his wife Penny, and six-month-old son Connor, having flown in especially from the UK.

With such a large turnout, Jack thought that, contrary to what Claire and Sawyer had both said, he might be able to fade into the background once he'd greeted everyone, but that wasn't easy with an eight-day-old baby. He couldn't help feeling guilty (and a little overwhelmed) that while the party was supposed to be to about celebrating Charlie's success, he and Annie received more than their fair share of the attention.

Most of the women there wanted to hold her, despite having babies and children of their own, while their husbands and boyfriends shook his hand. Charlie, Desmond and Jin all ganged up on him, offering him less serious advice than their partners now that he was officially a member of the "dad's club", while non-members like Locke and Sayid congratulated him more generically. Not one of them mentioned Kate, though, or asked about her; not after Hurley; even though Jack knew that they must all be wondering why he'd come with Sawyer instead of the mother of his child.

It felt a little like she'd died, or gone to prison, or never existed at all, as if Annie really had come from the cabbage patch, or the stork, or somewhere other than a living, breathing woman. He was so prepared for them to bombard him with questions that he thought their careful silence might even be worse. He figured Claire must have explained the situation to them before he arrived, and told them not to mention it, afraid that it would upset him like it had at the park. It was sweet that she wanted to protect him, but it didn't do much to ease the ache in his chest at the knowledge that Kate should have been the one showing off their baby to their friends instead of him.

He was surprised and touched that Sawyer stuck close by him as they made the rounds, taking a little of the heat off him and Annie with his presence. Whenever the crowd got too thick, or Annie started to get fussy from being passed around, he'd make some smart-ass Sawyer comment at one of the gawkers' expense, and suddenly all eyes would be one him. After knowing him for so long, no one took him seriously enough to be offended anymore, so he ended up having to endure more hugs and interrogations than almost anyone else there, since no one but Claire and Hurley had expected him to show up.

The best part about having a baby at the party, Jack soon realised, was that it gave him an excuse to sneak off into the house at regular intervals to change her or warm up her bottle. A couple of the women, offered to help him, but he politely declined, seizing the opportunity to take a breather from all the laughing and talking and excitement every now and then. He was there to support Charlie and Claire, but it was in body only; his heart and mind were still with Kate, even though he wished that they weren't. He hated what she had done to him; what she was still doing, but he was powerless to change it.

The worst part of being at the reunion for Jack was seeing all the couples together. When Hurley put the stereo on, and people started dancing, he slunk off to the buffet table with Sawyer, watching Desmond and Penny sway together with their baby cradled between them, or Charlie dance with Aaron on his feet while Claire looked on at them laughing. Even Sun and Jin looked happy as they wrestled their two-year-old daughter away from Charlie's cake. They all looked like families, real ones: even though he had Annie now, Jack couldn't seem to think of the two of them as a family, not without Kate.

Sawyer was right; it was all a little much for him. He wanted to take Annie home, but Claire had asked him to stay until after her speech, so he stood around making polite conversation with his friends until he could leave without appearing rude.

Annie had been changed and fed, and was sleeping peacefully in her carrier, when his cell started ringing, sending relief flooding him because it gave him an excuse to go off on his own again. Everyone there knew how busy he was, so they wouldn't hold it against him if he left to take what could be an important call.

Charlie had put on an old Beatles album, and was singing along loudly with Hurley and Desmond, so Jack hit the talk button and wandered away from the party, into a quiet corner of the yard. The trees there interfered with his reception, so he couldn't hear anything at first, just static, until he caught the sound of someone taking a deep, steadying breath.

"Hello?" he said when they failed to follow this up with actual words, the silence setting him on edge, because he knew that there was only one person who would call his cell, then shut down and refuse to speak. "Kate? Kate, where are you?"

He heard her take another breath, letting it out in a suppressed sob, like she was trying to hold herself together.

"Kate, say something," he pleaded, doing his best to control his anger when she continued to hold her tongue. He knew that she was probably ashamed of what she'd done, and afraid of his reaction, but he thought the least she could do was let him know that she was there. That she hadn't just called to torment him. "Talk to me."

She started sobbing then, that horrible wrenching cry he'd first heard when she told him about Tom, the sound fading as she shifted the handset away from her face.

"Kate? Kate! Don't you dare hang up," he cried impotently when he sensed what was coming, clenching his cell in his first as she plunked the receiver down in its cradle, severing the connection.

Annie had jerked awake in her carrier when he started yelling; he could hear the little mewling sound she made when she was about to cry, but at that moment, he was too frustrated by his own needs to think about hers.

"Damnit!" he cried, hurling his cell to the ground without bothering to close it, pleased when the screen snapped off, and it shattered, sending shards of plastic flying across the path.

Annie erupted at the noise, beating against his chest with her feeble little legs, the whole party stopping as everyone looked over at them. He thought even Claire looked a little afraid of him.

"What the hell'd you do that for? You scared the kid," Sawyer snapped as he strode over to him. "And why the hell ain't you shutting her up?" He snatched the carrier off Jack, balancing the baby against his shoulder and patting her awkwardly as he tried to soothe her himself.

Under any other circumstances, Jack would have found the struggle amusing, but the sound of her voice was beginning to grate on his nerves. Breaking the phone wasn't enough; he wanted to hit something when he thought about the fact that he'd had Kate on the line and he'd let her slip through his fingers. Again.

He stared down at the remains of his cell, scattered across the path in front of them, resisting the urge to crunch it under his heel for good measure. "That was her."

* * *

I know it's cheating -- that wasn't really a phone call, but some of you have been asking for a sign that Kate missed them, so there you go... ;) 


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the reviews. Of course Kate misses them! That's why she called, and the way I see it, why she couldn't bring herself to have a conversation with Jack, because she knew that it would make being away from them harder. She is okay, though, for those of you who are worried, just confused and being stubborn about it... ;)

* * *

Chapter 8. A God Complex 

After that, Jack had lost all will to be around other people, so apologising to Charlie and Claire using Annie as an excuse, he packed her into the car and drove home.

With all those people fussing over her, that day had arguably been the biggest of her short life, so she didn't give him any trouble as he settled her in her bassinet in the crib. He was going to go downstairs to the living room to stare at the TV, but he only made it as far as the rocking chair before another fit of melancholy seized him, and he sank down with his head in his hands. He hated feeling sorry for himself; he knew what his father would say; but since the day Annie had appeared on his doorstep he couldn't seem to stop himself. His life was spiralling out of control, and there was nothing he could do to keep it from happening.

He was still sitting there later that night, having only gotten up only once or twice to feed Annie, when Sawyer appeared in the doorway, looking uncomfortable. "Thought I'd find you up here," he said, as he took a tentative step inside, picking a teddy bear up off the change table to solve the problem of what to do with his hands.

When Jack met his eyes, but didn't say anything, he fidgeted with the toy, adding, "I was hopin' you'd let me crash here another night, then I'll be out of your hair for good."

Jack nodded, hoping that he'd see this as his cue to go downstairs, but he put the bear down, continuing to hover by the door, staring at the toe of his boots. "Annie asleep?" he asked, jerking his head towards the crib when he looked up again, but Jack could tell that that he was stalling his real question.

"Yeah," he agreed, unsurprised when, a moment later, the southerner added, "So what'd she want? Freckles?" looking nervous, as if he thought Jack might snap and lose it again.

He was trying to hide how interested he was, but Jack could see the earnest concern in his eyes. He may have given up the fight, but he was still in love with her; that was probably why, Jack realised. He seemed to think that there was something Jack couldn't give her that he couldn't, even if she didn't herself.

"I don't know," he answered with a sigh. "I didn't get the chance to ask her. She hung up on me."

Sawyer's eyes widened slightly as he leaned back against the wall. "She didn't say nothin'?"

"No."

"So how'd ya know it was her? Coulda been some punk kid playin' a prank. Coulda been a wrong number."

Jack wished he could believe him. "It wasn't. I heard her crying," he confessed, cowed when Sawyer gave him an incredulous look, only slightly less angry than when he'd asked him why he wasn't dealing with Annie.

"An' you thought yellin' at her was gonna make her stop?" He shook his head as he stepped away from the wall, pacing in front of the door. "No wonder she didn't wanna talk to you. Prob'ly thought you were gonna bite her head off after what she did."

Jack looked away from him, ashamed at the way he'd behaved in front of his friends. "You heard that?" he asked, thinking back to the way he'd yelled at her not to hang up the phone. Sawyer was right; that probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but he didn't know what to do when she wouldn't talk to him, and he hated feeling that powerless.

"The whole damn party did, an' prob'ly half the street," Sawyer told him, softening a little as he added, "She screwed you over, I get it. Hell, if she dumped a kid on my doorstep, I'da done the same thing. But hatin' her ain't gonna get her to come back. It ain't gonna get her to stay this time, either."

Jack was considering this when Annie started to shift in her crib, wailing as she began to wake up. It had been a few hours since he'd fed her, so he sighed and picked her up, following Sawyer down to the kitchen to fix her a bottle.

As he settled down at the table, sliding the teat between her tiny rosebud lips, he noticed that Sawyer was staring at him pensively.

"What?" he asked, waiting for the southerner to start up about Kate again, but instead, he said, "Nothin'… just… how come I ain't never seen you play with her, or make stupid baby noises like other daddies? D'ya see the way Braveheart was holdin' his kid today? He wasn't worried about feedin' him or changin' him or any of that other stuff you're always goin' on about."

"In case you didn't notice, he has a wife to help him with all that "other stuff", so yeah he has time to play with his kid," Jack snapped back, irritated by the implication of the southerner's words, that he was a bad father, or at least, not a very good one. That he didn't love his daughter, because he did. He wouldn't be this concerned about her all the time if he didn't.

"That's not it, though, is it?" Sawyer pressed with that knowing look Jack hated so much, because it usually meant that he was right about something. "You can't look at her, 'cause you blame her for Freckles leavin'. If she hadn't gotten knocked up, she wouldn'ta run. She woulda stuck around, right? Until you asked for some other commitment."

Jack could see why Sawyer would draw that conclusion, and he knew that it was, in part, true, but for once, the southerner's uncanny ability to read people was way off the mark. "I don't blame Annie," he confessed, staring down at the tabletop, unsure of why he was telling him this, except to get it off his chest. "I blame myself. I should have been more careful. I should never have let it happen. I should never have let her leave without telling me."

When he looked up at Sawyer, he saw that his incredulous look had returned. "You really do have a God complex, don'tcha?" he said with a humourless laugh. "You think everythin's always about you.

"But you can't control everyone, least of all her. She was makin' her own choices long before you came into the picture," he went on, and Jack realised that they were back to talking about Kate.

"As much as I wish I could say you were right, it's not like she wasn't a willin' participant – you got more self-restraint than anyone I know, to the point that I wonder about you—" he flashed Jack one of his trademark smirks "—so the way I see it, she's just as responsible as you are, maybe more so, 'cause she was the one who decided to have the kid in the first place. So don't go beatin' yourself up about it. She's here now, and there's nothin' you can do to change it, so you gotta think about doin' the right thing by her, instead o' worryin' about all the ways you coulda prevented it."

"Where did that come from?" Jack asked, staring at him, amazed, once he finished his speech. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say there's a story behind what you just said."

Sawyer gave him a secretive smile as he stood up from the table. "Let's just say Freckles ain't the only one guilty of skippin' out on her responsibilities," he said, refusing to elaborate any further. "Night."

He strode out of the kitchen to make up his bed on the couch, leaving Jack alone with Annie. "Interesting guy," Jack said to her as she released the bottle to let him know that she was done. Putting it down on the table, he lifted her to his shoulder and burped her as usual, but this time, he didn't take her back to bed right away.

She was awake, and she didn't need anything else, so he took Sawyer's advice, and for the first time since he'd found her in his care, he just held her, letting her ease the pain in his heart with that simple act of mutual comfort.

* * *

Obviously Sawyer isn't going to just take off and leave Jack while he's still such a mess (Where would he even go? It's not like he has any other friends!). That said, I'd like to know how many of you want me to keep it just the three of them for a while longer, and how many of you want me to get to Kate's return. It doesn't affect my plan either way, so I'm willing to go with the majority here... 


	9. Chapter 9

Do I like what I have, mcanj? Sometimes. ;) I do until I post it, then I spend the next however long until I check the reviews wanting to take it down… At the very least, I'm pleased with how different it is, since as you pointed out DJRyce, it has all the makings of an Odd Couple style sitcom.

Since the general consensus so far is that you'd like to see more of that, I've pushed Kate's return back, but don't worry, it's not going to be all hugs and puppies when she and Jack next meet. She's going to be timid and guilty, and of course Jack will be self-righteous and angry, so she'll need someone to stick up for her, which is where Sawyer continues to come in handy…

By the way, I know I promised you the Kevin story, and I will get to it, but I think updating two fics at this rate might kill me, so you may have to wait a while on that one. ;)

* * *

Chapter 9. Mr. Mom 

In spite of his vow to be out of their hair in the morning, Sawyer didn't appear all that eager to leave, so the next day he went with Jack and Annie to the airport to drop Charlie, Claire and Aaron off for their flight.

His presence in the car proved a problem when they pulled up in front of the Littleton-Pace residence and realised that there was only room enough for five; to Jack's amusement, the southerner offered to hold Annie rather than be left behind, but since both her capsule and Aaron were small, they managed to buckle them into a seatbelt together, wedged between Charlie and Claire. It wasn't exactly legal, but with an adult on either side of the children, Jack figured it would do for the fifteen minutes it would take them to get there.

It would have been easier to leave Sawyer at home, he knew, but in the back of his mind, he couldn't help wondering if, once they were standing at the boarding gates, it wouldn't be possible to stick him on a plane to Florida or somewhere far away, so that they could both get back to their own separate lives. It wasn't that he hated him, because he didn't; he never had, even during the brief time he was with Kate; it was just that after three days of sleeping on his couch, eating his food and drinking his beer, he was beginning to wear out his already tenuous welcome.

If he and Annie were going to get by, Jack knew that they needed to settle into some kind of domestic routine, and they couldn't do that with the southerner still in the house. He could only imagine what the nanny he hired would say if she came face to face with him in the hallway.

On second thoughts, this was Sawyer they were talking about…

After Jack parked the car, Sawyer helped Charlie with the luggage while he and Claire took Annie and Aaron inside. It was the first time the little boy had been to an airport since arriving in the States, so the four of them fell behind as he wandered off course, taking in the sights and sounds.

"You left in such a hurry yesterday that I never got to ask you what happened," Claire said as she dragged Aaron away from a gift shop, steering him in the direction of the check in desk. "It was Kate, wasn't it? She called you?"

"Yeah," Jack agreed as he followed her with Annie, reluctant to go into the details again after his conversation with Sawyer. "I'm sorry if I made a scene," he said sheepishly, remembering the look on her face when he smashed his cell.

She shook his apology off with a sad smile as her free hand came up to rest on his bicep. "She's not coming back, is she?"

He knew it was true, but still, the words shook him. He bit his lip, staring down at the carpet as he tried to keep his emotions under control. "Not any time soon," he agreed.

When Claire didn't speak again right away, he added, "I thought maybe she would ask about Annie, but she didn't."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't care," Claire told him gently, lowering her voice with a pointed look at Aaron. "It just means she cares too much. You're not a woman, so you'll never know how hard it is to carry a baby for all that time, thinking you won't be around to see it grow up. It's easier if you don't think about all the things you're going to miss, trust me. She probably didn't want to know." They had reached the check in counter, so with a gentle, reassuring squeeze, she let go of his arm, leading Aaron over to where Charlie was waiting for them.

Jack waited with Sawyer while they showed their boarding passes and checked their luggage, then they said their goodbyes. In the midst of all the hugs, Claire promised to call Jack from New York to let him know that their plane had landed safely, making him promise to email her with pictures when she realised how much Annie was going to grow in the two months they would be away. Sawyer scowled when she hugged him too, and Aaron, referring to him as "Uncle Sawyer" at Charlie's encouragement, insisted on giving him a goodbye kiss, just like he had Jack and Annie.

Jack stayed at the gate to humour his nephew by waving him down the tunnel, then, when all three of them were out of sight, headed back to the car with Annie and Sawyer still in tow. The southerner's stuff was still back at his house, strewn across his usually neat living room, so he figured he had to at least return there long enough to reclaim it.

"So what're ya gonna do now that your backup babysitter is somewhere over Las Vegas?" Sawyer asked as they pulled out of the parking lot. "Quit your job an' become Mr. Mom? 'Cause I'll have to get you an apron." He chuckled to himself as he no doubt pictured this, eliciting a wry smile from Jack.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"I sure as hell wouldn't hate it," the southerner agreed, flashing his dimples as Jack returned the conversation to the question at hand.

"I've been thinking about hiring a nanny until Annie's old enough to go to day care."

"You sure you want some Mary Poppins wannabe raisin' your kid, fillin' her head with all sorts of foreign ideas?" Sawyer said, frowning as he added, "You sure Freckles'd want that? 'Cause I remember her sayin' when she was a kid, her folks were never around, an' look how that turned out for her."

"Annie is not going to turn out like Kate, Sawyer," Jack snapped, growing testy at the southerner's interference, especially since he was using Kate as leverage. It wasn't an easy decision for him to leave his daughter in the care of someone else, to give up on her like that, but she hadn't given him a choice. "I thought that was the point of all this."

"That's exactly what I'm sayin'," Sawyer agreed, surprising him. "She coulda given the kid up to strangers, but she went outta of her way to bring her to you. That's gotta mean somethin', right?"

"It means she didn't think this through," Jack corrected him as they stopped at a red light, causing Sawyer to frown again, looking offended on Kate's behalf. Ignoring this, he went on, explaining, before Sawyer could protest, "I can work anywhere up to eighteen hours a day, and then I'm usually so tired that I pass out in the on-call room. She knows that – she lived it for months. If she has a problem with me hiring someone to take care of Annie, then she's welcome to come home and do it herself, but until that day comes, I'm gonna need help, and since I can't rely on Claire anymore…" He trailed off, certain he'd won, until Sawyer cleared his throat.

"I could watch her while you're off bringin' home the bacon, or whatever it is you honest men do," he suggested, looking uncomfortable. "Just until Freckles changes her mind, or Uncle Charlie an' Aunt Claire get back from their Magical Mystery Tour, I mean," he added hastily when Jack opened his mouth to tell him that he didn't think it would be a very good idea.

As far as short-term arrangements went, it still seemed a little crazy. "Do you know anything about babies, Sawyer?" Jack asked, incredulous that he would even offer. "Anything at all, except that you don't like them? Because I remember how you were with Aaron, back on the island. You couldn't wait for him to grow up."

"I know they sleep a lot," the southerner said defensively, firing up at what he must have seen as a challenge. "Especially that one. How hard can it be? You don't seem to be havin' any trouble."

* * *

Next chapter: Sawyer has to prove to Jack that he can be trusted with Annie…;) 


	10. Chapter 10

I've never considered humour one of my strong suits as a writer, so I'm glad you're all finding this story amusing! I know it seems a little odd that Sawyer would volunteer to be Annie's nanny (or "manny" – maybe I can work that in!), but I'll explain why in this chapter. (What does "lmao" mean by the way bonboni? I'm a purist when it comes to the English language, so I'm not familiar with a lot SMS slang!)

* * *

Chapter 10. You Don't Have To Do This

While it was true that he was desperate, Jack wasn't sure he was desperate enough to hire Sawyer as a nanny, at least not without auditioning him first.

"Okay," he told him as he pulled the car into his driveway, "since it's not that hard, you shouldn't have any problem taking care of Annie for the rest of the afternoon." He figured if everything went well, which he doubted, he could use the time to do all the things he hadn't gotten around to that week, like paying the bills and straightening up the house.

"Course I can take care of the damn baby," the southerner agreed churlishly as he slid out of his seat and started towards the door, making it halfway there before he realised that he'd made his first mistake.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, he changed course, his expression warning Jack not to laugh as he opened the back door and took the whole capsule out. Slamming it shut again, he stormed past him; Jack opened his mouth to protest about the way Annie was being bounced around by his movements when Sawyer stopped in the middle of the path, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Kid stinks," he said looking down at her helplessly as her face went red and she started to wail. He straightened his arm, holding the capsule as far away from himself as he could to distance himself from both the noise and the smell.

"That's because she just filled up her diaper. You're going to have to change it," Jack explained, fighting the urge to laugh when the southerner's eyes widened in horror.

"I ain't cleanin' up her poop," he complained, scowling at her, then at Jack. "Ain't that your job, Daddy?"

"No, that would be the job of the person looking after her," Jack reminded him with a grin as he unlocked the door. After enduring days of comments like the one about being Mr. Mom, he had to admit, he was enjoying this, more than he ever thought he would. If he decided to take Sawyer up on his offer to stay home with Annie, maybe he would have to get _him_ an apron: a pink one with lace, and some emasculating caption. He was sure to love that.

They took Annie straight up to the nursery, where Sawyer lifted her reluctantly out of the capsule and laid her on the change table. "D'ya have be here for this?" he asked, giving Jack a dirty look as he hovered behind them, resisting the urge to take over.

He was pretty sure that he could have Annie changed and redressed in the time it was taking the southerner to get over his tantrum. "Yeah," he agreed mock innocently as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the frame of the crib.

Ignoring him, Sawyer struggled to keep Annie still while he fumbled with the buttons on her sleepsuit, his large, graceless hands moving awkwardly over her tiny body.

"She likes it when you talk to her – it keeps her calm," Jack suggested from his vantage point behind them, but Sawyer scowled and muttered something along the lines of, "I ain't talkin' to a damn baby" as he moved on to the tabs of her diaper.

On releasing it from around her legs, he let out a low hiss, turning his head away as he brought a hand up to cover his face. "Damn that reeks."

"Careful," Jack said, his smile slipping as he straightened up, taking a protective step towards them. "You've got to hold onto her or she could fall over the edge."

At these words, Sawyer turned back to the baby with what might have been a look of concern, holding his breath as he slid the diaper out from under her.

"And don't swear in front of the baby," Jack added as an afterthought, mostly to annoy him, relaxing again now that the southerner was holding his daughter with both hands.

"Do you wanna drive?" he snapped, turning to give Jack a murderous look as he dropped the diaper into the trash. "Cause it sure as hell sounds like it, Dr. Spock."

"No, you look like you've got it," Jack said, recrossing his arms as he resumed his position against the crib. Annie wasn't in any immediate danger, so he watched, entertained, as Sawyer made a big deal out of wiping her off, before dumping a truckload of power on her and fastening a fresh diaper around her legs.

"See, piece of cake," he said triumphantly as he lifted her up off the change table, holding her against him, the diaper sliding down over her hips so that the bottom was somewhere around her knees.

"Uh huh," Jack agreed, taking her back. "Why don't you let me take it from here?" He waited until Sawyer went to wash his hands, then quickly re-diapered her, buttoning her back into her clothes.

It was a full fifteen minutes before the southerner remerged from the bathroom, his fingertips wrinkled and red from scrubbing. "So how'd I do? Did I pass the test?" he asked as he joined Jack and Annie in the kitchen, scanning the contents of the fridge before taking out the juice carton and sculling from it.

In spite of his inexperience, he'd managed to get Annie into a clean diaper unscathed, but still, Jack wasn't sure. It was one thing for Sawyer to help out in a jam, but another for him to be Annie's primary caregiver.

"You changed her diaper," he reminded him. "That's good, but it's not enough. She still has to be fed, bathed and put to bed. If you think you can do all that, then maybe."

Sawyer looked slightly daunted by the prospect of adding all of this to the list, but steeling his courage, he shoved the carton back into the fridge and took out one of the bottles Jack had mixed that morning. "Give her here then, and let's get started," he said, sounding uncharacteristically optimistic as he took Annie carefully from Jack, settling on a chair at the table as he'd seen him do.

"So I just put this in here—" he slid the teat gently into her mouth "—an' then…" he trailed off as she started to suck, looking pleased with himself. "Now that ain't so hard." He smiled at her, his expression almost affectionate, though his brow was still furrowed into an uncomfortable frown.

"You really don't have to do this, you know," Jack told him, finding himself at a loose end as he watched them together. Sawyer didn't like kids, so it was hard to understand why he was so determined to be there for Annie when she wasn't his responsibility. He felt an irrational stab of fear as he wondered if maybe she was, or Sawyer thought she could be, but he shook it off, reminding himself that it wasn't possible. Annie was a healthy full term baby, and it had been less than eight months since he and Kate were last together.

And besides, all of their friends said she looked like him, except Sawyer, and he was only joking…

Sawyer seemed to sense his train of thought, because he shifted uncomfortably in his chair, lifting his eyes from Annie to meet Jack's eyes. "Things with me and Freckles were done a long time ago," he said, looking sad, though for himself, Kate, or even Jack and Annie, Jack wasn't sure, "so don't go readin' too much into it. "I just don't like the way you're tryin' to replace her with some New Age quack, that's all. That ain't who she is, and that ain't who her kid's gonna be either."

* * *

I contemplated having Annie spit up on Sawyer when he tried to burp her her, but I thought this was nicer, if not as funny! ;) 


	11. Chapter 11

I'm going to change gears in this chapter, and hopefully explain a bit better why Sawyer is taking it upon himself to look out for Annie, and why I think Jack would let him. If you have any ideas for upcoming chapters, let me know, because I'm trying to walk the fine tightrope between them developing a mutal respect and being too nice, and it's really hard! I hate to say it, but I think they need Kate to shake things up!

* * *

Chapter 11. Now What? 

Jack had all but made up his mind to hire a professional, but Sawyer's words touched him, so much that he began to reconsider. It hadn't really occurred to him that by bringing in a surrogate mother for Annie, he was replacing Kate in her life, but now that the southerner had pointed it out, he wasn't sure that he liked the idea either.

Sawyer might not have the degrees or the experience most people would look for in a nanny, but Jack was beginning to realise that he was probably the only other person who would ever love Kate the way he did. As long as Annie was a part of her, he would protect her with his life, so if neither he nor Kate could be there with her every minute of the day, then Sawyer was probably the next best choice.

Now that the southerner had shown him his hand, his offer didn't seem as amusing as it had in the car, so Jack vowed to stop making fun of him after that, and focus his attention on guiding him instead. Good intentions aside, he still had a lot to learn before Jack could feel comfortable leaving him to his own devices with Annie, but he was surprisingly eager, making him confident that he could be taught. It wasn't perfect, but then nothing about this situation was.

"Uh, Doc? She just stopped," Sawyer said, looking up from the baby with a helpless expression, snapping Jack out of his thoughts.

Annie had let go of the bottle and was lying placidly against his elbow as she tried to focus on the sound of his voice. "That's okay, it just means she's full," Jack explained with a gentle laugh when he checked the level of the formula; it was hard to believe that the man he'd once helped torture in the jungle was afraid of a nine day old infant.

Sawyer relaxed a little on hearing that this behaviour was normal, setting the bottle down on the table in front of him. "So now what?"

"Now you have to burp her to get the air out of her stomach."

"Air?" he repeated, his brow furrowing in concern, as if he didn't like the sound of this. "I thought you said she was full?"

"She is," Jack agreed, "but some of that is air, so unless you want her to get gassy…"

"I really don't," Sawyer said quickly, moving Annie against his shoulder as he waited for further instructions. "So how do we do this?"

He wasn't holding her right, her head lolling loose against his arm, so Jack reached up and shifted his hand to the back of her neck. "She's a baby, not a sack of potatoes. She can't hold her own weight, so you have to make sure her head and back stay supported," he explained, waiting for Sawyer to readjust his grip before he returned to his seat.

"Good, but you might wanna get a towel or something," he suggested, picking one up off the counter and offering it to him, but the southerner just gave him an irritated look.

"What the hell do I want a towel for?"

When he didn't take it, Jack figured he would find out soon enough, so he decided to move on rather than draw out the process by arguing. "Now just pat her back gently – not too hard," he snapped when Sawyer, wincing, clapped his left hand a little too forcefully against her, "but not too soft either or you won't get it all out."

It took Sawyer a few minutes of alternating between light taps and firm pats to find the right rhythm, before she expelled the air she was holding, along with some of the milk from her bottle. "Ugh," he complained, scrunching up his face as he scrubbed at the mess on his shoulder with the hand from Annie's back. "I know I said she don't look like you, but she's definitely your kid."

When Sawyer glared at him, Jack couldn't help grinning, regarding his daughter with affection as he took her back. She definitely was. "I told you might want a towel," he reminded him, kissing Annie's soft curls as the southerner went to clean himself up for the second time that day.

* * *

"You sure this is hygienic?" Sawyer asked a while later as they prepared to bathe her in the kitchen sink. 

"I never would've picked you as a germ freak," Jack told him, raising an eyebrow as he turned off the tap, dipping his elbow into the water to make sure that it wasn't too hot. "You have to remember to check the water temperature before you put her in. Don't use your hand, though – the skin isn't sensitive enough."

"I ain't one of those OCD types," the southerner replied, his tone defensive, nodding to show that he'd heard as he popped the buttons on Annie's sleepsuit. "Not even close, but shouldn't we do this upstairs?"

"The sink in the bathroom is too small, and it's too easy for her to slip out of your hands in the tub," Jack explained, gesturing for him to continue as he peeled off Annie's diaper.

His words must have unnerved Sawyer, because instead of coming up with another comment or witty one-liner, the southerner focused his attention on Annie, easing her into the water as if he thought she might dissolve. "Now what?" he asked once he'd submerged her up to her chest. He didn't loosen his hold as he looked up at Jack, gripping the back of her neck and shoulders tightly as she lay cradled in the crook of his right arm.

Jack set a washcloth and a bottle of baby wash on the sideboard in front of him. "Now you wash her. But be careful of her eyes," he added as an afterthought, even though it went without saying. "They're more sensitive that ours, so you can't get the soap anywhere near them. You shouldn't even use it on her face."

Sawyer furrowed his brow, narrowing his eyes as he looked down at her, as if he were contemplating a difficult climb. "How the hell'm I supposed to do that and hold onto her at the same time? I only got two hands, and that's gonna take at least three."

"You can let go of her with one hand, just make sure you've got her with the other," Jack told him, his own hands hovering close enough to catch her if need be, as he waited for Sawyer to pick up the cloth.

It was another moment or two before he was confident enough to let go with his left hand, showing the same delicate care that he once had towards Kate as he wiped over Annie's tiny body. When he was done, he lifted her into the towel Jack held out for him, redressing her in the same slipshod manner as before. Her diaper stayed on this time, though it was crooked, sitting more snugly over one hip than the other.

"Must be about nap time," he said, looking hopeful, once she was settled in his arms again, "'cause I gotta tell ya, I could do with one myself."

"She's been up for far too long already," Jack agreed, grinning as she let out a delicate yawn. The more time he spent with her, the more he was in awe of the fact that she was already a perfectly formed little human being. "Much longer and we'll both be sorry."

Sawyer was more timid and nervous than Jack had ever seen him as he climbed the stairs to the nursery with Annie still in his arms, laying her gently in her bassinet. Jack showed him how to settle her so that she wasn't in danger of suffocating, and then he collapsed into the rocking chair, letting it swing back and forth as he let out a long sigh, closing his eyes.

"I can't believe people actually try for those things," he said, but there was an unmistakable hint of affection in his tone. As much as he pretended not to be, Jack could tell that he was already smitten with Annie, not the least of all because of her resemblance to Kate. She was a little piece of her that would never leave him, never hurt him the way Jack knew the real Kate had; that would never have to choose. Even though Jack was her father, that didn't preclude the possibility of her loving Sawyer as well, because it was a different, purer, more instinctual kind of love to the one they'd both sought from her mother.

"Congratulations," Jack said as he straightened up from kissing his daughter goodnight, deciding that in spite of all the reasons to reject Sawyer's offer, he really wanted him her life. He was pretty sure Kate would too. "Do all that again tomorrow, and I might have to get _you_ that apron."

* * *

I'm sorry, but I had to do that spitting up joke just because I can see the look on Sawyer's face! 


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for the reviews. I'm going to do something a little different in this chapter -- I'm going to start off with Jack, then switch to Sawyer once I've set the scene (You'll see why!). It's the longest chapter to date and it nearly killed me (I've never written from Sawyer's P.O.V before!) so I hope it does him justice. I'm obviously not a Skater, but I do believe that Sawyer loves Kate, and that that's why he'll decide to let her go in the end.

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Chapter 12. No Man's Woman 

It wasn't until two full weeks after Annie's arrival that Jack could bring himself to return to work, even on the more flexible, family-friendly schedule he'd negotiated with the chief. By that time, he'd used up more than half of the personal days he'd accumulated; he wanted to save some for times when his daughter really needed him, so he had no choice but to put Sawyer to the test.

Since the southerner wasn't heading out again any time soon, Jack had banished him to the guest room where he wouldn't have to keep tripping over his clothes and bedding every time he passed through the living room. The arrangement also gave them both back some much missed privacy, though Jack was quick to remind him that it was still his house, and there were some things he wouldn't tolerate with Annie living under the same roof.

It was hard to get used to at first, living with somebody else after so long, having to wait to use the bathroom while Sawyer took a shower, or pick up after him and Annie, or go to the store because Sawyer had used the last of the bread without replacing it, but by the time he started back at the hospital, Jack found that he was almost enjoying it. Sawyer was by far the worst roommate he'd ever had, but he was someone to talk to, someone to share the burden Kate had left him with, someone who understood, and didn't hold it against him when he came home and shut himself in the nursery alone.

And Annie seemed to like him. Like her cousin before her, she listened with rapt attention each morning after her bottle as he read to her from the newspaper, or the TV guide, or whatever was handy, her eyelids drooping as she drifted back off to sleep. For that skill alone, Jack figured he was worth keeping around; as comforting as his own voice was to her, it never seemed to have the same instantaneous effect.

* * *

Once Jack went back to work, Sawyer's favourite part of the day was the few hours after breakfast where Annie didn't need anything, and he had the house to himself. He'd never lived in a place that had cable before, so while she slept beside him, he would park himself on the couch and watch reruns until his thoughts tapered off into silence. It wasn't as good as getting drunk for killing brain cells, but it took the edge off, enough that he didn't have to think about where he was or what he was doing there. 

If Jack thought seeing Annie every day was like a knife in the heart, he didn't know the half of it: when he looked at her, he saw Kate, but when Sawyer looked at her, not only did he see her mother, but living proof of the fact that she hadn't chosen him, that she never would. He'd known since day one that his love for her was unreturned, that the better man would win, but still, that didn't make it any easier to hear that she was out there crying her eyes out over Jack, wanting to come home to him and their kid. He just hoped that Jack would go easy on her when she did, instead of crucifying her like he had in the past. She was a lot of things, but soulless wasn't one of them; Sawyer didn't know why she kept him on such a pedestal when he was no saint either, especially in his treatment of her.

He was still sitting there on the couch, trying not to think about her as he stared at the screen when the doorbell rang, jolting Annie out of her doze she'd fallen into.

"Great," he said to no one in particular when she burst into sobs; on hearing his voice she began to settle, looking up at him with those dark blue eyes that, in spite of their colour, were painfully reminiscent of her mother's. "Why don't I just get that shall I?" She continued to stare in his direction, blowing little spit bubbles, oblivious to anything except the familiar tone, so he added, "You can fill me in when I get back," as he turned down the volume and left the room.

If it had been anyone else, even one of the other survivors, at the door, their visit would have been a welcome distraction, but as it was, he found himself face to face with the object of his thoughts.

He wished he could say that she was exactly as he remembered her, but he couldn't. Her once lustrous green eyes were wringed by dark circles, the rims swollen and pink from crying. She'd put on weight too: there was an unmistakable bulge in her stomach beneath the folds of the maternity top she was wearing, making her look like she was still in the early stages of pregnancy.

Despite the fact that it was morning, she must have been expecting Jack, because she looked disappointed (and he thought maybe even relieved), when she saw him, her shoulders sinking as she knitted her brows in confusion. "Sawyer? What…?"

"Freckles," he heard himself say, struggling to regain his composure. "Long time no see. Doc's out at the moment – off savin' lives or somethin' – if that's what you came for."

"Oh," she said softly, her face falling a little more as she fidgeted with her hands. "I should just come back later when he's home."

Whatever courage she'd mustered seemed to leave her as she turned towards her car; Sawyer knew she was lying about coming back, so he called, "Kid's here if you want to see her," his words having the desired effect when she stopped, nodding, her eyes full of tears.

It hurt him to see her looking so broken; he didn't know what to say, so he pretended not to notice as he let her into the house. "I'm teachin' her about the finer things in life. We're watchin' _Knight Rider_ at the moment. You ever see that?"

She shook her head, distracted as her eyes flickered around the room, thinking about the time she'd spent there with Jack, Sawyer assumed. "Never really watched much TV growin' up. I was always too busy takin' care of my drunk stepfather, or helping my mom at the diner."

Knowing that he'd struck a nerve by reminding her of her past, Sawyer cleared his throat. "Guess that's one thing you and the doc have in common."

A light seemed to go on inside her at the mention of Jack; she stopped, focusing on him for the first time since they'd entered the house. "How is he?"

He felt a familiar stab of pain as he registered the concern in her voice. "You really did a number on him, Freckles. Can't remember the last time I saw him that broken – maybe after old Boone died back on the island."

He almost regretted telling her this when her eyes filled up with tears again, and she looked away, staring down at the rug. "Come on," he said, softening his tone. "Kid's through here."

She almost ran the last few steps into the living room, scooping the baby up into her arms. "Hi Ducky," she cooed as she settled her against her chest, pressing soft kisses all over her face.

Sawyer was about to leave them to it when he heard this, turning back to give her an incredulous look. "D'you just call the kid a duck?"

"What?" She stopped, glancing up at him as if she'd forgotten he was there. "No, it's just somethin' my grandma used to call me when I was a kid. I didn't have a name for her when she was born, so I just started using it until…"

"You ain't gonna get all soft on me, are ya?" he asked, feeling helpless, when he sensed what was coming. "'Cause honestly, Freckles…"

He could tell that she was trying not to, but she lost it then, her calm expression crumbling as the floodgates burst, releasing the tears she'd been fighting. "Sorry," she said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand when they slowed down. "I just missed her." She kissed the baby again, resting her cheek against the top of her head.

She was making him uncomfortable again with such an open display of emotion, so he said, "All she does is sleep, cry and mess up her diaper. How the hell'd you find anythin' in there to miss?"

He expected her to puff up then; get angry and defensive like he thought Claire might have done, but she just smiled. "I missed you too. You're about the last person I expected to find here. I thought maybe Claire…" she trailed off with a little shrug, biting her lip.

"You didn't hear, did ya?" he said, gesturing for her to follow him to the kitchen. "She and Bono are tourin' the east coast. Shipped out a couple o' days after you did." He considered telling her about the reunion, but decided against it. He could see that she was already feeling guilty enough, without hearing that all of her friends knew what she'd done.

"Jack name her yet?" she said after another uncomfortable moment, nodding towards the baby as she settled them both at the table.

Sawyer smiled. "Yeah, Annie." When she didn't say anything, her mind on something else, he added, "Don't think he's made it official yet if you got somethin' else in mind."

Turning her attention back to the conversation, she shook her head. "I called myself that for a while, back in Australia. It's a good name. Cute." Grinning, she lifted her daughter so that they were eye to eye, kissing her nose as she cooed, "Hi ya Annie."

This new maternal side was different to all the others he'd seen, making her seem almost foreign to him, as foreign as Sun and Claire and all of the other women on the island. While he'd recognised Annie as hers from the moment he saw her up close, he'd had trouble picturing the gun toting, tree climbing Kate he'd known on the island as a mother in anything other than the biological sense. He'd always thought they were the same: hard, rough, cold, but watching her with Annie, he realised just how wrong he was. She wasn't cold, just messed up in the head. That was the one thing they'd always had in common.

"So why'd ya do it?" he asked.

She didn't look at him, still focused on Annie. "Why'd I do what?"

"Why'd ya ditch the kid?" This got her attention; she met his eyes like a deer caught under the headlights, but didn't answer. "Jack told me what happened. Said you didn't even leave a note. You just pop one out and decide hey, maybe you ain't mommy material after all? Or was it him? You didn't wanna be tied down? No man's woman and all that?"

He knew he'd gone too far when her expression darkened, her whole body tensing as if she might slap him. "Gee Sawyer, you really haven't changed, have you? You're still an ass."

He thought about apologising then, but he needed to know, not just for Jack and Annie, but for himself. He needed to know why she'd gone home with Jack, only to take off again a few months later.

She was silent for a long moment, staring down at Annie with a wistful expression. "It wasn't her," she said finally, still not looking at him. "It wasn't him either. I loved – _love_ – him. I think I would've married him if I could."

It hurt to hear her talk about Jack that way, but he'd asked her for the truth, and he knew that was it. Still, he wished she'd commit one way or the other, instead of giving them both false hope all of the time. "You don't sound so sure of yourself there, Freckles."

She was getting teary again; he watched her scrub at her eyes with the heel of her hand as she said, "Well I'm never gonna know now, am I? He probably hates me, and he should." She took a deep breath, managing to look almost stoical as she added, "I brought her here because I didn't want her to have my life. And I didn't stay because I couldn't let him lie for me anymore. That's not him."

As angry as he was, Sawyer couldn't stop his heart from going out to her. She was the stubbornest girl he'd ever met, and she always ended up paying for it with the things that she wanted. And she wanted Jack. She could deny it, but it was as true now as it ever was. He knew she would never have braved coming back if it wasn't. "You ever stop to think that maybe it was worth it?" he told her gently, thinking back to all of the sacrifices Jack had made for her on the island. He would have given his life for her; they both would. "That maybe he'd do a whole lot more than lie for you?"

She didn't get the chance to answer, because at that moment, they were interrupted by a third voice. "Who would do a whole lot more than lie?" Jack asked as he stepped into the kitchen, his expression faltering between anger and disbelief when he saw it was Kate he was talking to.

* * *

I know some of you would prefer that I didn't bring Kate back (at least not yet), but I don't want to kill the whole Jack/Sawyer/Annie thing, and I'm running out of jokes... 


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for your reviews. Did you have any doubt that Kate loved Annie? Or Jack? Just a short chapter today – as I mentioned in the notes of my other story (I put up the first chapter of the Kevin one yesterday for those of you who are interested), I'm fed up with Jate angst at the moment, so I'm having trouble getting motivated to write it. After finally seeing "One of Us", I'm losing patience with Jack! He can be such a jerk! I will update again soon, though, with a longer chapter, once I figure out how to balance the Jate/Skate/Jawyer elements now that the three of them are under one roof. I really don't want it to turn into a rehash of season three… ;)

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Chapter 13. A Staring Contest

For a brief moment, Jack wondered if he was dreaming. He'd almost given up hope of ever seeing Kate again, and here she was sitting in his kitchen with Sawyer and Annie, having coffee as if nothing had happened. To say that he was shocked would have been an understatement. _Staggered_ would have been much closer to the truth.

As the seconds ticked by, he struggled to formulate a coherent thought; it wasn't until he heard the southerner say, "You checkin' up on me, Doc?" in an indignant tone that he managed to snap out of his daze.

He didn't know how to answer this when it was exactly what he was doing at home in the middle of the day, so shooting him a guilty look, he kept his mouth shut, returning his attention to Kate. As he took in her scared, tear-stained face, the bump in her stomach that had, until a few weeks ago, housed their daughter, the way she clutched her tighter as she waited for him to erupt, he wasn't sure if he wanted to hug her, or do just that. She was so beautiful, but she drove him crazy; until he met her, he'd never realised how close love could be to hate, but as in so many instances in the past, he hated her then with the kind of passionate fury that only she could incite.

Ever since that phone call, he'd been trying to convince himself that if he ever saw her again, he wouldn't lash out, but when she just stared at him stupidly, it made him angry again, so he said, "If you came for my daughter, you can get out now," regretting it as soon as the words left his mouth.

They were hollow and cruel, and he could see that he'd hurt her when she shot back, "I didn't come here for her, Jack – I came here for you. I wanted to talk to you." She looked like she wanted to walk out now that a civilized conversation appeared to be off the menu, but that would mean leaving Annie again, and Jack didn't have faith in her ability to do that.

"So talk," he said, his voice still colder than he would have liked, folding his arms as he leant back against the kitchen cabinets. "I don't have time for games, Kate – I only have about twenty minutes until I have to get back to work."

He was so used to having all the power in their relationship, to her letting him, that he was surprised when she stared back at him defiantly, refusing to speak until he brought himself down to her level. He didn't want to give in to her by sitting down, but she was the one with all the answers, and he couldn't will himself to get back into his car without them, so he pulled out the chair across from hers and dropped into it, holding his arms out for Annie. She said wasn't there to take her from him, but he couldn't be sure, not when she was clinging to her so tightly.

He was so focused on Kate that he'd forgotten that Sawyer was in the room; judging by the look on her face when he cleared his throat, she had too. "You know what? I think I'm gonna take the kid for a drive, go look at some ducks or somethin'," he mumbled, lifting Annie out of Kate's arms, holding his spare hand out for Jack's keys.

Jack shook his head. "Not right now, Sawyer. I need them to get back to work. Could you just take her for a walk around the block?"

"Whatever you say, Doc." He stopped when he reached the door, holding his hand out again with a grin. "You got any money? Kid needs diapers, and I could do with some smokes – not to smoke near her o' course," he added quickly when Jack shot him a warning look.

He gave him a fifty, and the southerner left to get the pram, Annie still tucked against his shoulder.

"You're just gonna let him take her? Sawyer?" Kate asked with an incredulous look when he was out of earshot.

"Yeah."

He saw what looked like a flicker of pain cross her face, like she thought she was being left out of something. "What's going on with you two? You're friends now?"

"Something like that."

"How? Why?" She screwed up her face, giving him a look that was half anger, half bewilderment, and he wondered if she was upset because she actually liked watching them fight, especially over her.

"Because unlike you, he's actually been here the last few weeks, so I know I can count on him," he said before he could stop himself, earning him another wounded expression.

"Hey Sawyer," she called, her eyes never leaving his as he held out her own keys to the southerner, "you can take my car."

He shifted his attention from her, to Jack, and back again, picking up on the silent tension between them. "Okay then," he said, seeming to direct the words at Annie, drawing out the 'a' as he took the keys from Kate. "Looks like your Ma and Pa are havin' a starin' competition, so why don't we leave them to it?"

He lowered his voice to a mock conspiratorial tone that he obviously meant for them to hear. "If I was gonna lay money on it, I'd say your Momma's winnin'. She did always wear the pants in that relationship." With a playful smirk at Jack, and a gentle, reassuring squeeze of Kate's shoulder, he swaggered out of the kitchen with Annie, slamming the front door behind him.

"I'm not going to run again, Jack," Kate said when he was gone, her voice surprisingly resolute in her anger, "so go to work if you want – I'll be here when you get back."


	14. Chapter 14

Only five reviews… I guess that's the downside of writing two fics simultaneously. ;) I think I'm going to start wrapping this one up in the next few chapters so that I can concentrate on my new one (I've sketched out chapter three, by the way, so it should be coming soon) – it was always about Jack and Sawyer, not Jack and Kate, so I think it's the right time. (My philosophy has always been that once a title is no longer relevant to a story, that's a sure sign that it's reached its end, which is why I think Lost will have to end with them getting rescued...)

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Chapter 14. Home

The red sedan Kate was driving was still missing from the driveway when Jack pulled in after eleven that night. He hadn't meant to stay at the hospital past six, but when the paramedics brought in a woman whose spine was severed in a collision with a tree, he'd had no choice but to start another surgery. He hadn't been able to repair the damage like he had with Sarah, though, causing him to wonder if he shouldn't have gone home anyway.

He was beginning to wish that he had; a wave of panic swept over him as he unlocked the door, afraid that she'd lied when she said she wasn't taking Annie, but he relaxed when he saw that the lights were on this time, the TV playing softly in the background.

"Hey," Kate said, craning her neck to look at him when he found her curled up on the couch, feeding Annie.

"Hey," he echoed, shrugging off his coat and draping it over the arm as he came around to corner to her side. "Where's Sawyer?" He would never have admitted it to her, to either of them, but the southerner was one of the reasons he'd wanted to come home early. He hated the idea of him keeping her company, of him sympathising with her while he himself was still so angry, even if he knew that the two of them were only friends.

"He went out," she said, keeping her tone neutral as she returned her attention to Annie. "I think he said something about going to the bar."

Jack wasn't ready to mention the elephant in the room yet, not when he was having the first civilisation conversation with her in months, so he said, "You let him drive to the bar? Are you sure that's wise?"

She let out a humourless laugh, still not at ease with him; he hadn't forgiven her yet. "I told him to call if he needs a ride home." She paused, seeming to consider this before adding, "I still can't believe he lives here."

"Yeah, well, a lot's changed since you left," Jack couldn't resist telling her with a touch of bitterness in his tone, causing her to sit up straighter on the couch.

"I just want you to know, Jack," she said, putting the bottle down, and settling Annie in her capsule, "that I wouldn't've done what I did if I didn't think it was the best thing for you and Annie."

She was choosing her words carefully to avoid upsetting him, but Jack could feel himself getting angry again. "See that's where this whole thing stops making sense," he said, crossing his arms as he tried to keep it under control; Sawyer was right, yelling at her wouldn't do either of them any good. "How was taking off without even telling me you were pregnant the best thing for me or Annie? I nearly let them take her into foster care."

Her frown increased at this, her mouth opening into a little "o" of surprise, and he could see that she was struggling to keep her composure. "I guess I freaked out. It was all supposed to be temporary – me living here with you – but suddenly, there was this baby, and I knew I'd let it go to far." She looked up at him, meeting his eyes, her own glistening with tears as she added, "You've never been good at letting go, Jack. I did what I had to to make sure it didn't go any further."

He tried to understand her reasoning, but it all seemed like a case of too little, too late. "We had a baby, Kate," he reminded her with a slightly incredulous laugh. "That's pretty much as far as it _can_ go."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about – _we_," she hissed, jumping to her feet. "I knew if I told you you wouldn't let me go – you'd want to play happy families and I couldn't."

"But you can now?" he checked, unable to keep the scepticism from his tone. When she'd left him to deal with Annie alone, she'd made it pretty clear that she wasn't ready to settle down; could that much really have changed in two weeks?

"Maybe, maybe not – I don't know," she agreed, her voice softening as the fight seemed to leave her, her eyes pleading with him to forgive her, "but I tried staying away and it almost killed me. I don't even care if I get caught anymore, not if I can't be here with you and Annie."

She stopped trying to be strong then, letting the tears cascade down her cheeks as she added, her voice barely above a whisper now, "I just want it to be over, Jack. I just want to come home."

As hard as he tried to hold onto his anger after that, he couldn't, her words melting his heart; he swept her into his arms, and she collapsed into him, sobbing against his chest. "Hey, hey, it's okay," he told her, running his fingers through her curls in an attempt to soothe her, "you're home now, you're safe."

He was pretty sure she didn't believe him about being safe, but she sank deeper into him in response, burying her face in his shirt, her tears slowing when he kissed the top of her head, resting his lips against it. "I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered, "for everything I did to you. I'm so, so sorry."

Before he could respond, the front door slammed and Sawyer strode into the room, freezing when he saw them together. "You two might wanna get a room while there're other eyes around," he quipped, turning his head away so that he wasn't quite looking at them.

Jack glanced over at Annie, thinking that it was her eyes the southerner was talking about, but she had drifted off to sleep, oblivious to everything that was happening around her.

"I meant mine," Sawyer explained, trying to make it sound like a joke, but it fell flat when both Jack, and he was pretty sure Kate, too, registered the bitterness in his tone. "I know you got a lot o' catchin' up to do, but the two o' you all over each other is a sight I could go the rest of my life without seein'."

There was an uncomfortable silence as Jack released Kate, and she stepped back, wrapping her arms around herself, neither one of them wanting to rub Sawyer's nose in the fact that they'd reconciled.

"I think I'm just gonna turn in for the night," the southerner said finally, nodding over at Annie as he added, "D'ya want me to take her with me?"

"No, you go ahead, I've got it," Jack told him, relieved when he muttered, "Night," and disappeared up the stairs to his room.

When he was gone, they just started at each other for a moment, as guilty as if they'd been caught cheating. To Jack's surprise, it felt a little like they had; after tonight, he doubted that Sawyer would be staying much longer.

"Are you hungry?" Kate asked, breaking the silence. "We already ate, but I saved you something in case you wanted it when you got home."

In spite of the scene that had just occurred, Jack couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy at the idea of her and Sawyer – the "we", he presumed – eating dinner together in his kitchen while Annie slept above them. But Sawyer was one of her best friends, and Jack had brought him into their home, so he shook it off, forcing a smile. "Sure. Just let me get out of my work clothes and put Annie down."

He scooped his daughter up out of her capsule, preparing to take her upstairs, but stopped when Kate held out her arms, looking hopeful. "Do you mind…?" She bit her lip, as if afraid that he would try to keep her from assimilating herself into their routine, and he couldn't help feeling a little guilty that he hadn't asked her first. It wasn't that he really thought of Annie as his, and his alone, it was just that he'd gotten so used to doing it without her.

"No, not at all." Her face broke into a grin when he transferred Annie into her arms, climbing the stairs to his room.

He knew that renewing her bond with Annie was important to her; he meant to give them some privacy, but when, on stepping back out into the hallway, he heard her voice coming from the nursery, he couldn't resist creeping closer to hear what she was saying. It was mostly just nonsense, baby talk, but her tone was what interested him the most; he'd never heard it before, not even with Aaron.

She started when, seeming to sense his presence, she turned to see him in the doorway, flushing at the realisation that he'd been listening. "Beautiful, isn't she?" she said when she recovered, running a finger so lightly over Annie's check that it looked like she was barely touching her. "I spent the first day of her life just looking at her – I couldn't believe something so perfect could be mine. I still can't."

She seemed to want him to look at their daughter with her, so he stepped into the nursery, stopping by her side at the crib. "She's got your eyes," he told her, even though they were closed, grinning when she flushed again, with pleasure this time.

"Really? Because I always thought she looked more like you. Or maybe I just wanted her to." Smiling softly, almost shyly, she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it gently in hers. "I really missed you, Jack."

Returning her smile, he squeezed back, rubbing her hand lightly with his thumb. "We missed you, too."


	15. Chapter 15

As the title suggests, this is it, the final chapter. I thought about adding a few more Jate ones, but decided against it since it would take the story too far away from Sawyer. (I think the two of them watching over Annie together is a nice place to leave them anyway.) I am contemplating a short epilogue, though, to show what's next for our favourite redneck if you don't think that would be too irrelevant…

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Chapter 15. I Guess This Is It

Walking into the living room to see Jack holding Kate like that, Sawyer wished he'd stayed at the bar. He'd known that the doctor would forgive her eventually, of course; he always did; and that they'd get back together and probably have a dozen more kids as perfect as Annie, he just hadn't expected it to happen so soon. He would never admit it to Jack, for fear of being kicked out or worse, but he would have liked to have been her ally against him for a little longer, if only because it meant that he still had a place in their home. Now that things between them were returning to normal, neither she, nor Jack, nor even Annie, needed him there anymore.

If fact, there were probably a couple of people out there who needed him more, as much as it killed him to admit it.

Deciding that the best thing he could do for Kate now was to give her space to work things out with Jack, he went up to his room, but he didn't sleep. Instead, he lay there thinking about Annie, wondering why it was so much easier to be there for her than for his own daughter. He thought maybe it was because he'd known all along that Kate would come back, that he'd be let off the hook, and that even if she didn't, Annie would still always be someone else's responsibility. With her, there were no strings; he was free to pick and choose which parts of her life he wanted to stick around for.

He'd always thought that Kate was the one who was a coward, for having Annie and dumping her with Jack, but at least her intentions had been honourable. He wished he could say the same for his own; that he'd stayed out of Clementine's life to protect her, but the truth was: he was only protecting himself. He didn't want to get hurt like he had with his own parents, so it was easier to hurt them both first: her _and_ her mother, who he was pretty sure he really had loved.

When he went downstairs the following morning, Jack and Kate were already in the kitchen with Annie, saving him the misery of having to decide whether or not they'd slept in the same bed. He figured they had after spending the last eight months apart, because there weren't any blankets in the living room, but he had no desire to find out for certain. What went on between them was none of his business, not anymore.

"You're up early," Kate said with false brightness when she saw him standing in the doorway, looking uncomfortable after the scene the previous night. "I thought you'd sleep 'till at least lunch time." She flashed him a teasing grin as she finished feeding Annie, but Sawyer couldn't help wondering if deep down, she wasn't disappointed that he'd crashed their peaceful family moment.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to be on the back roads before rush hour," he told her, shrugging his duffel bag onto his shoulder. He could have stayed a few more days, he knew, but somehow, he didn't think they'd thank him for it.

"You're leaving?" Jack asked, though he didn't look all that surprised.

"On a jet plane," he finished in a slightly sing song voice, trying to make a joke out of it, until he realised that it was probably in poor taste in this room. "Nah, just kiddin', in a rental, as soon as I can get down to the dealership."

Handing Annie to Jack without saying anything, Kate left the room, returning a few minutes later with a set of keys. "You should take mine," she said, pressing them into his palm. "It's practically yours now anyway." She gave him a sad smile as she closed his fingers around them, squeezing his hand as she added, "I've had it for a month – I should really get rid of it," trying to keep things casual between them.

He was aware that Jack watching their interaction, so with a nod of thanks, he freed his hand from hers, turning his attention on the doctor. "So I guess this is it, Doc," he said, flashing him a cheeky grin to hide the fact that he was going to miss him. Sure he was uptight and repressed, and not as much fun as some of the guys he'd run with in the past, but he was the closest thing he'd had to a real friend in years. Maybe ever.

"You're just gonna have to manage without me from here on in – you and the kid." To his surprise, he felt a lump forming in his throat at the idea of leaving his new little playmate, but remembering what he'd said to Kate, he quickly banished the thought. She was a baby, and a new one at that. There was nothing to miss, not when she couldn't even hold up her own head.

"As tough as that'll be, I'm sure we'll get by," Jack returned with a slight roll of his eyes, transferring Annie to her capsule as he came over to shake Sawyer's hand. "Take care of yourself, man," he added seriously, clapping him on the back as he pulled him into a manly half hug.

"That's one thing I know how to do," Sawyer agreed as he pulled away, heading for the door, not wanting to be there when either Kate or Annie started crying. He hated it when people got all emotional on him: it always made him get emotional too.

He didn't bother to say goodbye as he let himself out the front door, tossing his duffel bag into the backseat of Kate's car. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that she'd followed him onto the path, waving to him with Annie's little hand, but he ignored her, not looking back until he'd left them far behind.

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So there you go. For me, that was the best place to end it, with Sawyer driving off into the sunset, otherwise it's likely to become a typical post-rescue Jaby story, which was never the point. Thanks for all your reviews – it's been very encouraging to learn that I can write something funny as well as angsty! ;) 


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the reviews. I know a lot of you are sad to see this fic go, but it's better to end it while it's still good. Otherwise it'll just become a typical post-rescue Jate story with Sawyer as the annoying housemate who pops in every now and then to make a sarcastic remark, and trust me, that would get old fast, for me to write, and you to read!

I really thought you'd all guess where he was going after leaving Jack's, but since none of you seemed to, I hope the epilogue will come as a pleasant surprise…

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Chapter 16. Clementine

Three days later, Sawyer pulled up outside a little house in Albuquerque, just over a block from the university, like she'd said. It must have had at least two bedrooms, but after spending all that time at Jack's, it didn't look much bigger to him than the trailer he'd spent the better part of his childhood in, reminding him again of how well he'd screwed them over. If he weren't such an ass, as Kate had said, they'd be living in that nice old house in Iowa, but he'd done more or less the same thing to them that the other Sawyer had done to him; the only real difference was that nobody died this time.

Stepping over a bicycle that lay abandoned near the gate, he made his way up the walk, pausing on the doorstep to gather his thoughts. He hadn't expected to be this nervous, but now that he was here, his hand was shaking as he reached for the bell.

From his side of the flyscreen, he heard it ring out through the house, then, half a minute later, a little girl with blonde hair and dimples came scurrying into the hall, offering him a gummy, gap-toothed smile. "Hi," she said in the sweet southern drawl he figured she must have picked up from her mother. "Are you here to see Momma? She's outside hangin' out our clothes, but I could get 'er if you want."

He wasn't ready for that confrontation yet, and all that came with it, so he said, "Your name's Clementine, right? Clementine Phillips?"

"Yeah," she agreed, cocking her head to one side in surprise. "How'd you know?"

"'Cause you're the one I came here to see."

She brightened on hearing that he was there for her, her grin making the dimples stand out like little valleys in her cheeks. Watching her, he still wasn't sure that he felt the kind of fatherly affection he imagined that Jack did for Annie, but he had to admit, she was cute.

"Really? 'Cause I never got visitors before, 'cept kids from school," she told him, looking pleased with herself, as if having a grown man pay her a visit somehow made her more important.

To a girl who'd grown up without a father, he supposed it did.

It was at that moment that she noticed the stuffed bear he was holding, giving him a coy smile as she asked, "Is that for me?"

He followed her eyes to it, embarrassed, aware that after missing more than five years worth of birthdays and Christmases it was a pitiful offering. He'd thought about buying her a doll, but there were so many to choose from nowadays, and he had no idea what kind, if any, she'd like. "Sure is," he agreed finally, deciding that a poor present was better than none at all. "Why don't you come out here and take it?"

Unhinging the door, she accepted his gift, studying it before rewarding him another smile. "What's his name?"

She was beginning to get to him, his throat dangerously dry, so he said, "I don't know, you can call it Fluffy or Snuggles or whatever your little heart desires."

She looked thoughtful at this, not seeming to mind the bristles in his tone. "I think I'll call him Peanut 'cause I like peanuts and that's what colour he is. Thanks, Mr….?"

He considered telling her to call him Sawyer, but somehow, that didn't seem appropriate. He wasn't sure he was ready for Daddy yet either, though. "Mr.'s too formal. You know what formal is?"

She nodded. "Yeah, like the clothes you wear to church."

He couldn't help chuckling at her words. Cassidy had done a good job with her. She was a smart kid, the kind of kid he thought he could grow fond of. "Well, then, how 'bout you just call me James?"

"'Kay." She opened the door the rest of the way, tugging him inside. "Wanna see my room, James? We just got new drapes, and mine have ballerinas on 'em. I wanted dinosaurs, but Momma says they're for boys."

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So that's the epilogue. I thought it would be nice to show what he's learned, and how the experience with Annie has changed him. Thanks again for your reviews, and don't worry, you'll get your Jate in my other fic! Maybe I'll even do a sequel one day where Sawyer bring Cassidy and Clementine to meet Jack, Kate and Annie – I've always wanted to see a fic that addressed the connection between Cassidy and Kate! ;) 


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